You ever sometimes sit back and wonder “What the heck?!” Sometimes it’s because things are happening that you have no control over. Other times it’s when you can’t figure something out. For parents, it may be when their precious child goes and does something completely ridiculous even after they’ve been warned about it 1,000 times. You know these moments, the ones where you shake your head and slam the heels of your hands into your forehead as you breathe an extra long, deep sigh. My moment came exactly 10 days ago when I took some time to sit back and reflect on what the Lord has been doing for the last 6 months of my life.
Journal Entry on 1/5/16 at 8:43am
On the way back to my tent from the shower I thought about the concept of smooth sailing on the Race. I had been thinking that that’s what I’d been doing this whole time, but then the Lord reminded me of Thailand and I said, “Oh, I guess not.” I quickly realized that I’d been expecting to experience these huge things that would rock my world and then I’d know beyond the shadow of a doubt that I’m maturing in Christ. While that has been the case for some of my squad mates, that’s not my story. Mine is one of several seemingly small things adding up, but in the grand scheme of life they were big because the Lord was using them to chip away things that weren’t like Him and fill me with Himself. A few examples that I can think of:
India
Growing Pains
- TL (team leading) sucked because of the dynamics on the team and between certain people. Responsibility.
- Chafing. UGH!!!
- Missing birthdays.
Results
- Patience like I never knew before.
- Tolerance of pain and learning that just because I’m not at a physical ministry site does not mean I can’t minister from the couch I’m splayed across.
- Grace took on a new meaning and began setting up camp in my heart.
- Seeing pieces of my old self in others & realizing just how much God has done in me.
Nepal
Growing pains.
- Aviro disappeared. I couldn’t control the onslaught of tears as I sobbed in grief for the family and Aviro, or the anger that swelled because of the enemy’s tactics of destruction. (He is a teenager that our ministry hosts had taken into their home to love and show him a different, better way of life. Unfortunately, he didn’t know how to accept the love so he ran away. They didn’t find him.)
- Sameer’s profound character. (More of a joy than a pain.)
Results
- The Lord showed me just how deeply rooted my love for youth and restoration is.
- The enemy may win battles but he’s already lost the war. I can rejoice even in suffering.
Cambodia
Growing Pains
- Teaching small children is not my jam.
- Our incredible host family.
- Noticing Amanda’s (a teenage student) pain.
Results
- I may not do well with a lot of students, but I enjoy helping one-on-one.
- Being a part of a family, doing life together, means the world to me.
- Seeing and loving “the one” is where I thrive.
Thailand
Growing Pains
- Biking everywhere… literally everywhere. At least 3 miles/day. Big deal considering I’m out of shape.
- Dancing and proclaiming the Word with Liz.
- Bible study with my best friend via Skype.
- Tana. (She was our point of contact for our ministry.)
- Myo. (A man I wrote about in a previous blog.)
Results
- Complacency vs. endurance. Which do I desire more?
- Power in my words and taking things captive.
- Shift in thinking about marriage and being a woman of God.
- Caught a glimpse of a more refined me.
- Love in action.
Malaysia
Growing Pains
- Sita and Anbu. (The house mom and our ministry contact.)
- Sweet, sweet Thomas. (A volunteer at the girls’ home.)
Results
- Learning to see the good in people no matter what.
- Life lessons and priceless wisdom.
- The need and beauty in companionship.
Botswana
Growing Pains
- Karlien. (A daughter in our host family.)
- Performing/conducting Malorie’s baptism.
- Evangelism.
Results
- Seeing control issues in another person caused my heart to be heavily burdened with the need to repent to God and to apologize and ask forgiveness of people affected by my previous issue of control.
- Humility and thankfulness. God and other people see more in me than I do.
- Appreciation for my daddy’s ministry and seeing the beauty in sharing the Gospel. There’s no need to fear.
End of journal entry.
Now that my sweet Father has shared His perspective with me there’s no way I think I’ve been smooth sailing. This has been one incredibly crazy, fun, tiring, gut-wrenching, eye-opening, spirit sharpening adventure. So now I sit back and ask, “Lord, please help me to put these “results” into practice every day, and to realize to the Divinely orchestrated beauty in each moment. Amen.”
“But let endurance and steadfastness and patience have full play and do a thorough work, so that you may be [people] perfectly and fully developed [with no defects], lacking in nothing.” – James 1:4
