On this cold and dreary day in Lajas, Dominican Republic, my heart is ablaze with the goodness of the Lord. The last 11 days have been filled with manual labor, VBS camp planning, teen leadership summit planning, breathtaking views from atop this mountain, and laughter, joy, tears, heartbreak, peace, truth, and difficult conversations.
But above all that, my heart is experiencing the greatness of God’s redeeming love.
From the time I woke up on our first full day here, my heart has overflowed with love. Pure, unabashed love that sweeps over me like a gentle summer night’s breeze that makes me feel like my heart will literally burst.
Ruben, the co-founder of the ministry we’re working with, H.O.P.E. (Helping Others Pursue Eternity) for the D.R., has literally been the greatest blessing I’ve experienced on the Race thus far. He is such a welcoming, energetic, loving, kind, and fun-loving visionary for Christ. Unintentionally, Ruben has been encouraging me to be me unapologetically, which means embracing my past, present, and future in relation to my Daddy.
Last week I wanted to share this so badly with my dad that I sent him an email. Part of it went as follows…
At different points throughout the Race I’ve realized all the more how blessed I am to have you as my dad. However, from the moment we arrived here about 4 days ago, I’ve become even more appreciative and reflective. You see, Ruben and his family, along with everyone else in this country, speak Spanish and he is this incredible wellspring of joy that seems to have an endless supply of energy. His love for life and the Lord are so encouraging. So his ministry has planted 4 churches throughout the country and yesterday they had a joint service and baptism at his house where we live. Each of the churches led 2 worship songs and the last group nearly had me in tears. Why? They sang the song we used to sing together when I was a kid. “Alabare, alabare, alabare a mi Senor!” It took all I had not to burst into tears. My squad mates were like “How do you know this song? What is it?!” All I could say was “My daddy and I used to sing it when I was a kid.”
That was so special to me. It was the first thing on my mind when I woke up this morning. So much so that I pulled out my journal to write about it. At one point I wrote, “Something inside me came alive and broke down at the same time. I burst into song with everyone… As we continued to sing I could feel walls beginning to crumble in my heart and a love for Daddy being restored. And now as I write this I am sad for all the years I lost because I nearly hated him and wanted nothing to do with him. We’ve grown a lot since I left home almost 10 years ago, but now I want more. I want to know him for him and I want to speak with him in Spanish like when I was a kid. I think that would help create an intimacy we both long for. I want us to be more than father and daughter; I want us to be friends. Abba, will You please help make this happen?
You see, my dad and I had an incredibly rocky relationship from the time I was about 10 years old until a while after I left for college at age 18. Both of us are strong-willed, self-assured, quick thinking people that, at the time, always just knew we were right and the other was wrong. In my last blog I talked about getting into trouble for my mouth. Well, most of that had to do with my dad. It wasn’t very good at all. For various reasons I didn’t respect or honor him as I should, I didn’t obey or cherish him, and I certainly didn’t genuinely apologize or ask forgiveness for anything (at least not that I can remember).
Thankfully, the Lord has showered me with grace and mercy that I absolutely do not deserve. It’s so awesome to see and feel the shift in my heart as I continue to fervently pursue Him.
So, I encourage you to seek God for who He is rather than what He can give. Get to know Him for He is so that He can begin to show you yourself and along the way He will grant you the desires of your heart. Because your spirit has adopted His desires as your own and Abba wants nothing more than to lavish you with his redeeming love.
“My heart is fixed, O God, my heart is steadfast and confident! I will sing and make melody.” –Psalm 57:7
My dad and I a couple years ago at the end of a great Daddy-Daughter date night.
My tangible reminder to say YES!!! to Jesus and His redeeming love each day.
