Feedback……Everyday of my life on the race. Sometimes it's delightful, sometimes it's constructive.
Sometimes it feels you with some pride, other times it makes you humble.
Sometimes I laugh, sometimes I cry. Lets be honest, I already know what God needs to work out in me, do I really got to be reminded of it on a daily basis? YES. I heart feedback? NO. Somedays I feel like a punching bag, when anything I do is wrong. Everything I say is offensive. On the outside I come off as this tough girl, who never gets offended, does what she wants, says what she wants. No filter. The enemy loves to tell me I am selfish. Coldhearted. I don't care about these people. Manipulator. Arrogant. Loud. Obnoxious.
It seems like a never ending battle between Sheri Funk and the Holy Spirit.
So this month I have been soaking in this scripture
2 Corinthians 4
For what I proclaim is not myself, but Jesus Christ as Lord with myself as a servant. Give the knowledge of the glory of God through my body as a living sacrifice.
The power belongs to him and not to me. I will be afflicted, perplexed, persecuted, struck down, always carrying in my body the death of Christ that the life of Jesus may be manifested through me. For I am always being given over to death for Jesus sake.
I know that he who raised the Lord Jesus will also raise me and bring me into his presence, for all this hardship is for your sake.
So I will not lose heart. Though my outerself is wasting away, my inner self is being renewed day by day. For this momentary affliction is preparing for me an eternally weight of glory beyond all comparison. For everything else is transient.
This was my prayer I wrote the other morning.
I don't want to be tough anymore. I want to be weak. I am sick of crying for 10 mins and then the voice inside tells me to "suck it up, your not even sad, your faking. You don't care about what just happened. Your a great manipulator. You got what you wanted. I hate that voice Lord. Take away how I see myself. Feel me with my true identity. Work your love through my heart. Lord give me the heart to really listen and hear people when they talk to me; not just wait to give my response/opinion. Lord make my heart break. Lord give me the anguish in my heart that Paul had for the people who don't know you. I don't just want to say it for show, I want to really mean it. I didn't realize how strong the battle was. Lord take control of my emotions. I cannot do it anymore. I want my heart to have compassion 24/7. I want to be gentle. I want to be slow to respond. I want to quit caring about what I look like, or what I am wearing. Take away my compulsive addictions. Lord I want to look at your beloved and speak life into them because I want to not because I feel I have to.
Give me a heart for worship and prayer. Help me to give up my image and cares about what other people think of me. Nothing else matters but how you see me. Lord I am praying for a listening and caring heart. Take my pride. Crush it at your feet. If it is possible make me more humble than you were. I want to cry more; not just on "emotional" days. Help me fight my emotions. Keep me from the evil one. Keep me from myself. I know you have given me a heart for the world. The enemy has no power or right over my heart and mind, Lord help me to soak in that love. Teach me how to love like you.
Teach me what love is.
Speak to me……Waiting here for you.
"It's exhausting being Sheri Funk. Be Free my child."
So yes feedback sucks, but it's so good, and necessary. If I expect God to work in me and rid me of myself, then I have to trust that He is using his body this year to do it.
