What gets you out of bed in the morning? God has been really dealing with my heart the past few months, and He is making me dig deep to find the reason why I always let my heart lead me down the wrong path. I am an idolator. I find my identy in men, who have no idea how to take care of my heart. Jesus wants my heart, body, and soul. And once again, He broke my heart teaching me that. So I ask myself what gets me out of bed in the morning? Is it a relationship? A man? In Febuary after my long relationship with Mike ended, I told myself along with the World Race not to get involved in a new relationship, but instead of listening to God, I went ahead and gave my heart to someone. He became an idol in my life and I started self destructing yet again. God I must say has been answering my prayers speadily, and 2 weeks ago I prayed that God would make my heart pure for him this summer to prepare me for the World Race, whatever you have to do God, even if you have to break my heart…..and what did He do? 20 minutes later, my heart and spirit were crushed yet again. AHHHHH, when am I going to learn? So the past 2 weeks I have been reading Jesus+Nothing=Everything, and my eyes are opening to what it really means to have an idol in your life. I am looking to something or someone smaller than Jesus to be for me what only Jesus can be. Whatever it is our heart is drawn to, in my case a man, the cold hard truth is that almost immediately it becomes an idol, and my heart grabs ahold of it. When you lose whatever "it:" may be, you become paralyzed, you don't want to do anything, you don't want to eat, you don't want to wake up in the morning or get out of bed, cause all you can think about is that "it" leaving your life, and you hang on with white knuckles trying whatever you can to do to bring it back, but Jesus says…."It's not your old life you want back, it's your idol you want back, and I love you too much to give it back to you."
I have always had a man in my life, and I know God is calling me to a period of singleness, and I need to keep my eyes upon him and look forward to the awesome future He has in store for me. I need to stop just being happy when I have a man in my life. Jesus is more than enough, and I pray so hard that I can just sit and be satisfied in that. It's so hard for me right now to truley just rest upon the sufficency of Christ. I am not going to pretend to not be a mess or heart broken over this whole situation, because I am. I am beginning to realize how destructive idolatry is. It robs Christ of His Glory and praise only He deserves. So day by day Jesus is just scrapping away the garbage in my life that does not need to be there, He is ridding me of my emotional baggage, and He is healing my heart.
Augustine quoted…."You made us for yourself, and our hearts are restless until they rest in you"
"Dear Heart"
Just look at all the trouble you drag me into.
I've heard it said to follow your heart,
But I'm starting to wonder if it's gone too far.
Oh Heart, you've let me down,
Chasing love where it can't be found.
Heart, we've fallen out,
Cause all of your emotions
Have led me to doubt. Tell me who's gonna save us now?
Dear Heart, you're in the wrong place,
Looking out for yourself no matter what I say.
And I know that you're holding me back,
And it's time for a change, so I'm giving you away.
With these idols no longer burdening our lives, we're suddenly freed and empowered to live a life of outrageous generosity, unrestrained sacrifice, uncommon boldness, and unbounded nerve,
Jesus teach me to give you my whole heart and not just half. Pray for me friends!
