A little over three weeks ago, I came back from training camp in Gainesville, Georgia. Ten days spent sleeping in my tent or hammock, eating foreign food (even crickets and cow stomach), and sweating more than I thought was humanly possible. Let’s just say Adventures knows how to prepare you for some hard situations. It was some of the toughest, but best days of my life.
Throughout the week I was able to confront some issues from my past that I had buried deep within myself: unforgiveness, bitterness, shame, and the way I perceived God. It was a time of incredible healing and growth.
During a worship session, the worship leader stopped and spoke on how this next year will affect us. Some feel like they have it altogether and this will completely shake their world. Others might feel like their life is a mess, and this year will finally bring their life to order. I really identified with the first one. I have a great life…a loving family, great friends, a supportive boyfriend, and a wonderful church family. She went on to say that she had a vision of a field being tilled for planting. Without the breaking of the soil, there can be no growth. I remember in that moment fully surrendering my life to God no matter what the “tearing up” would be.
I thought I was prepared for whatever would come my way, but two days after returning home from training camp, I found out my dad was diagnosed with cancer. I was completely broken. My dad is my rock, and honestly one of my best friends. I had forgot everything I had learned at camp, and honestly got angry. It became all about me. “Why did this have to happen right before I’m about to leave?” “Should I still go on the race?” “What are people going to think of me if I leave?” “What are people going to think of me if I don’t leave?” I was consumed with selfish thoughts. Here my dad is the one going through this, and all I was thinking about was myself.
“Do you trust Me?” God began asking me this over and over. I had said I did. I had said I was willing to have my “soil” torn up. The next day my devotion was entitled, “Trust Your Loved Ones to Me; release them into my protective care.” I couldn’t make this stuff up! “My presence will go with them wherever they go, and I will give them rest. This same Presence stays with you as you relax and place your trust in Me.” God has a way of blatantly speaking to me, when I’m too stubborn to listen. After I began entrusting God with my dad, an incredible peace came over me. I am no longer afraid. Even though I wish so badly my dad wouldn’t have to go through this, I know God has a plan and a purpose.
I am still planning on launching with N squad at the beginning of October. I feel that this is still God’s plan for my life, even though leaving doesn’t have as much of an appeal as it once did. I am still going to trust God, especially during the tilling process because I know incredible growth is waiting. I am asking that all of you please pray for my family, especially my dad. Thank you all so much for your continued support!
