I am not sure what home is supposed to be, maybe you could call it an identity crisis. And I half-expected to feel this way, so it's okay.
But I'm home. Sort of. We had a connecting flight from Philadelphia to Boston, and on that final flight, everyone was looking out the plane windows. We were close enough near the end of the flight to see the earth from the sky, but I didn't want to see it. I wasn't ready to accept the reality that this is my last flight, that this mass of land we are flying over is America.
After a year of countless buses. Planes. Passport checks…. this is the last stop.
As we descended and the plane rolled to a stop, I looked around at my squadmates. Some had tears in their eyes, others were smiling, and others were just blankly staring out the window. I had no emotion. Nothing. I haven't had much emotion in regards to this journey ending. Actually, I haven't cried about it once. Strange, there have been moments when I've even wanted to cry – wanted to 'feel' more of the reality of the transition, but it still doesn't feel real.
I am home.
Last night, I went to a baseball game at Fenway. As a pre-game ritual, several members of the armed forces came onto the field and the National Anthem was played. I looked around at 37,000 people singing it, and then looked back at those guys dressed in their uniforms. In that moment, I realized how truly blessed I am to live in a country where there is freedom. FREEDOM. What a powerful word, huh? I can't tell you how many times in how many countries people would tell me, "if only I were from America…"
People around the world view America as the land of opportunity, and it is. People view us as powerful and strong, and we are. But we also stand for truth, liberty, and justice, and that is honestly hard to come by throughout the world. I have witnessed so many government structures and political systems that are violently corrupt, disorganized, or abusive. And staring out across that field, I thought, "how many people around the world would give ANYTHING to be here right now, celebrating this type of freedom we have."
So, I don't really know what I'm saying, and to be honest, I haven't processed being home yet. I think that will take some time. But what I can say is, if you live in America, you seriously, honestly, have a lot to be thankful for. The world is a tough place – a beautiful place – but beautiful in a tough way (if that makes any sense). I couldn't be more proud to be from a place where justice, free speech, truth, faith, passion, and dreams are protected.
