This is straight out of my journal from last night…but I felt like the Lord would have me share it and I hope that it will bring freedom to others in this same area. This is pretty much verbatim my conversation with him last night…
My words are in italics. His words in bold.
Lord, what stands between You and me?
Fear. You still walk on egg shells with me Shelley. Afraid to say or do the wrong thing. Afraid to impose on me. Afraid of mistakes. Afraid of being misunderstood. Afraid that I won't be there to catch you. Afraid that I'll leave you orphaned. Your identity is not as an orphan but as an adopted son and heir in the kingdom.
When you make a mistake, do your parents disown you or stop loving you?
No.
Neither will I.
Do you have to ask permission to go anywhere in your house?
No.
You have full authority to go into any room and in the same way you are free to enter into My presence.
Did you ever wonder if your parents would provide you with the things you needed?
No. I never questioned it.
Then neither question me. My name is Jehovah Jireh. I will provide. I am enough.
Lord, I want to exchange my shoes of fear for ones of trust. I want to walk in your love. Perfect love casts out fear. When I love You, and walk in the love You freely bestow on me, there is no place to be afraid because you are good. I walk in obedience out of love for You and I can walk in trust because of Your great love for me.
What if you ever get things wrong Shelley? What would happen?
What if I misinterpret scripture?
Then you can receive correction and learn to walk in Truth.
What if I hurt someone's feelings or misunderstand them?
In humility you can ask for their forgiveness. You are not perfect and love covers over a multitude of sins.
What if the Lord calls me to do something that others might not understand?
Trust Me, I will reveal Myself in My timing.
What if I take a risk and fall on my face?
You can trust that I will be there to catch You. I will teach you how to listen to my voice even in your mistakes. Mistakes don't equal failure.
What if I pray for healing and it doesn't happen?
Know that you never fail when you are obedient to Me. No matter what it looks like.
What if I ask for a word from You Lord and You don't give me one?
Shelley, it doesn't mean that I don't love you and that I won't speak to you. Just keep seeking me.
What if you ask me to give up things I don't want to give up, or go to places I don't want to go to, or do things that are out of my comfort zone? What happens when I know I should say yes, but I want to say no?
I am perfecting you. I am giving you my desires. I'm giving you my strength. Sanctification is a process and in it you are learning more of My heart. So continue to trust me. My love will not fail.
Some lessons are harder than others. Some habits and beliefs have been so engrained in us for so long that they are hard to get rid of. I am thankful that the Lord is faithful and persistent in this process of sanctification. He gives us grace. We have to give ourselves grace too. Just don't be afraid (ha… no pun intended) to go to the hard places with Him so He can free us from these things.
