I have a pit in my chest that sinks to my stomach every time I think about opening my mouth. Whenever I want to let the words out, I can’t find them. My team is moving rooms in our air bnb and I’m hobbling around with one working foot. I’m trying to be helpful but my mind isn’t very present.
So I make my way to our new room’s futon, laying flat on my back. My foot is propped high on a pillow on top of a kitchen stool, as I rolled it into a pothole yesterday on a run. I’ve been praying for a smooth transition into conversation to tell my team how I’m feeling and someone asked “So where do you want to sleep while we’re here to be able to prop your foot?” Here’s the time.. ??
“Actually..
Well, I don’t know how to say this..
ugh words..
so I’m just going to:
*horribly long pause*
I’m going home.”
*jaws drop*
*toothbrush drops to sink*
*refrigerator door left open*
Within second, I am surrounded by my team. All their wide, beautiful eyes staring at me and their faces are riddled with concern. I can see their minds flooded with questions and general disbelief. But the main thing I want to address is “WHY?”
“I’ve prayed about this for weeks. Yesterday I finally received clarity+peace to leave if I want.”
*nods*
*eyes darting as their minds search for clarity of their own*
I don’t want to leave them. This is a team I am proud to be on, with really good friends of mine. I have REALLY big hopes for this team and our time together in Costa Rica+beyond. Yet I have so much peace about leaving. Thankfully, they all trust how I hear from God and they express their utter sadness+ endless support. They met my
“I don’t want to be a failure.” with “You are not failing or quitting.”
“I’m not giving up because it can be hard” with “we see you listening to God’s calling.”
My “I’m not going to Nashville for family, a house, a job, or even a car.” With “God has already provided.”
Team Radiance: YOU ARE each + collectively A GOD SEND, answers to prayers, and friendships everlasting!
What followed over the next 36 hrs will never cease to amaze me. Every detail came together with a lot more ease than you’d think, and took A LOT of team work. Have you ever had people working so much for you that you felt literally carried through the motions? Well, since saying “I’m going home” out loud, this is how I’ve felt. I may spend a long time and a lot of words trying to explain God’s provision. Do I have a car now? Yes. Do I have three job offers already? Sure do! Have friends let me into their homes in this interim? 100%.
This makes me wonder what else God has in store for us when we give Him our big “YES!” not only out of excitement, but also out of unrest.
I’m really grateful to know&be known by my Heavenly Father, who makes literally ALL things work for good! What a W I L D ride.
Don’t by shy. I’m only a FaceTime or text (or car ride;) away!
All my love and gratitude-no cap,
Shelby??
