Dear someone I forgive,
I know I’m never going to give this to you, so I feel a bit strange writing it. Honestly, it makes me pretty emotional even starting it off. This is a letter of forgiveness. For so long, I’ve hated you. Part of me still wants to, but hate is a strong emotion that I just do not want in my life or heart anymore. So, I forgive you. I forgive you for the pain that had a hold on me for so long. It is time to move on from that and let those memories go. The bitterness does neither of us any good. Why not look at our past as a learning experience? We’ve taught each other a heck of a lot- let’s be thankful for it. You were the first boy I loved. We experienced many things together. And I thank you for that. But now, I am letting that go. It no longer has a stronghold on me. I am letting go of the bad memories, the shame, and the lies that have filled my head for so long. There were many great things that came with our relationship. You truly loved me and I truly loved you. It was real. Healthy? No. But real. Wow, there were countless wonderful memories! I can name off hundreds. You honestly did bring me lots of joy despite the bad. Thank you for that. I now realize how much stronger I am from walking through that. You’ve helped me become a strong woman who knows exactly what she wants/deserves. So thank you! This was such a strong growing point in my life. Not only in my personal life, but in my relationship with Jesus. I think part of the reason why we struggled so much in our relationship stems from me lacking a relationship with the Father. I relied on you to give me that love. When the whole time, I really had an abundance of it from Jesus. Now, I have found that love. Not from an earthly relationship, but from someone who will never ever fail me. I’m deeply sorry I put that pressure on you. That is my fault. There was an emptiness that you couldn’t or didn’t even know how to fill. This is me letting all of it go. All of the pain is in the past. You’re out of my life. Out of my thoughts. I no longer hate you. You were my first love, which was incredible, but realizing that Jesus is my best love is even more incredible.
-Shelby
Sharing this in a blog is hard. My intent isn’t to shine a negative light on this experience or receive pity. My sole intent is to show how cool it is that the Lord takes our burdens and allows us to walk in His freedom!
I firmly believe that the main reason holding me back from healing was how much hate I had in my heart that didn’t belong there. I actually began writing this letter months ago, as an attempt to start my walk in forgiveness. However, I couldn’t bring myself to finish it. It was uncomfortable, so I just stopped. I sort of forgot about this unfinished letter until a few weeks ago.
After spending a day immersed in the Word, seeking to understand love and how Jesus loves, I felt strongly convicted. How can I fully love people to the best of my ability if I still have a hardened heart? Realizing this, I began to pray. I knew that I wouldn’t be able to let go and forgive unless I asked Jesus for help. After lots of prayer and reading 1 John several times, I made the decision to forgive. If Jesus, who died for us, can choose to forgive us — his children that literally sin on the daily — then why am I being too stubborn to choose forgiveness? We are called to love one another.
Freedom feels great let me tell ya. Obviously this isn’t something that is easy. I have to choose and pray into choosing love over bitterness on most days. We aren’t perfect. We are made to learn from our mistakes, which are bound to happen again and again. But the one constant in our life is Jesus. He is always there to walk with us in whatever we’re going through. Thank you, Jesus for showing me what freedom looks like!!!
Whoever says he is in the light and hates his brother is still in darkness 1 John 2:9
