Currently, I am sitting restlessly on a plane headed to Los Angeles. Yep, that’s right. I’m going back to the United States. I don’t want to write this. I’ve been refusing to think about what my actual emotions even are. I just reminisced on the past 7 months by going through pictures on my camera roll and notes. Now I can’t stop crying lol. Don’t worry I’m
seriously fine. I needed to cry. It’s a good cry. The reasoning behind my tears is because after 7 long, but insanely beautiful months, I am returning home. Usually, I would have more time to process this and prepare for life back at home. In this case though, our 9 month long gap year with World Race is being cut short to 7 months. This literally just happened so quick. Due to me being in such shock, I don’t think I let myself decide on which emotion to feel until now. Happy? Sad? I mean I could be happy to go home right? I get to see my parents and Bentley! But on the other hand, I’m leaving a family I have been living with for the past 7 months. I’ve been living in a community of 30 people for 7 months now. That’s a lot of time to get to know and love each other! Team rooted likes to joke around that this is the longest sleep over we’ve ever had haha. I really don’t know how to feel about all of this. Some moments I’m overwhelmed with sadness and the next I’m thinking about seeing family and friends back home and sleeping in my own bed. Through all of this uncertainty, I am greatly thankful to have one constant.
Jesus. He knows what’s going on. He knows why I am going home early. He knows so many things that I don’t. I can’t explain to you how much comfort that provides. In times of brokenness, like now for example, He is the source of light for many people! Yes, there is a huge, scary virus that is going around and making the whole world panic, but there is a also a huge, loving God who will hold our hands through it all. Everyone is being affected by this in a different way. Maybe you’re living in fear. Maybe you’re angry because you can’t go to work or school. Maybe you are even sick with the virus and you have no hope. We aren’t perfect. I firmly believe that our reactions can influence the aftermath of this situation immensely. Let’s go into this dark, scary time with expectancy. We have a God that is capable of miracles. I’ve seen it with my own eyes. We have a God that heals! I know it’s hard to get into that mindset when things are looking so low. To be honest, I am struggling big time with this. It broke my heart leaving the family that I had quickly gotten so close with in Cambodia. Leaving them broke me down in a way I wasn’t expecting. I feel lost and confused. I thought I had 3 more months to figure out what happens next for me. Jesus planned this though. He knew that I would be going home month 7 before i even signed up to do this! It takes so much practice and effort take thoughts captive and turn to Him, but I can’t tell you how rewarding it is to do that. I’m struggling, but I’m not doing it alone. I have Jesus walking with me every step of the way.
In this season of uncertainty, your thoughts and prayers would be super appreciated for the many World Race teams that are coming home. Please let me know if you have any questions or if there is anything I can be praying for in your life.
