When love hurts
Wow, how in the world is it already month 7?!?! SO. WILD. These past 7 months have been the best of times and also the hardest. I have met groups of people from 7 different countries now and these people have changed my life forever. I have always wanted to travel the world, but I have NEVER wanted or desired to be a missionary. Being a missionary seemed like a beautiful thing…but just not for me. I never thought I was cut out to do something so brave and full of so much sacrifice. I did not think I had enough love in my heart for the world. I did not think I was capable of loving with everything I am. Growing up I moved around A LOT. I would make friends and then find out I would have to move. My mom said that after the first big move and having to say goodbye to the people I had grown to love, I lost the glimmer in my eye. This just became apart of my story. I then learned that my heart is weak and when I love people, it breaks me to have to say goodbye. This made it really easy for me to shut my heart off and to not open up to anyone. See, some people handle goodbyes very well. They can love with their entire heart and move on smoothly. That is how God created them…but I have learned from a very early age that is not how God created me.
So because of that, I knew when I started the World Race I had a choice:
a) Would I love with all that I am and risk being heartbroken when it is time to say goodbye?
OR
b) Would I love less and make it easy to say goodbye/move on to the next country?
I chose choice A. These past 7 months, I have loved even more than I knew I was capable of loving. The Lord restored the love in my heart and now I have no idea how to meet someone without loving them the same way Jesus has loved me, which is endless. Y’all, the Lord is changing me. He has opened my heart up again. I have fallen absolutely in love with the people in every country. Every place has a uniqueness about them and I am captured by it. We just recently left Rwanda and I still catch myself crying because I left a piece of my heart there. It was one of the hardest goodbyes and this is because I fell absolutely in love with the people. Putting your all in every month and then having to say goodbye again & again has me on an emotional rollercoaster and even has me asking questions like this:
“I don’t know if my heart can handle this anymore. I do not know if I have anymore love in my heart left to give.”
But Jesus. He is so patient with me and keeps renewing my mind. Jesus is the best example of loving even when it hurts. I mean, He spent His entire life serving the world. He performed miracles, He loved the unlovable, He spent time with the people the world rejected. Jesus saw people through the eyes of love. He carried the cross and was nailed to it because of love. He was beaten and mocked because of love. He was humiliated and tortured because of love. He was killed by the ones He loved. Jesus showed us that even when it hurts, we were sent to this world to love and love with everything. You do not have to travel the world to do this. You do not have to become a preacher or worship leader to experience this.
You just have a choice to make:
a) Will you choose to love people even with the risk of being hurt?
Or
b) Will you hide away from loving people and risk the chance of never experiencing the glory of God’s creation?
The World Race is hard. Like, harder in ways I would have never imagined. I thought the hardest part of the race would be culture, language, living situations, etc. But I am figuring out that the hardest part of the race is saying goodbye. Love can really really really hurt but man, people are worth it and they are worth it every single time.
Love you all!
