Habakkuk 2:3
For the revelation awaits an appointed time; it speaks of the end and will not prove false. Though it lingers, wait for it; it will certainly come and will not delay.
Waiting. The dreaded word that no one (at least no one I know) likes to hear. We wait to graduate from high school or college. We wait to find the job that provides for our family. We wait to meet the right person, who is totally cute, funny, madly in love with Jesus and will have dramatic karaoke sessions in the car (lol just me?!?!) who we can someday call our spouse. We wait for test results that tell us everything is going to be okay. We wait for a loved one to finally fall madly in love with Jesus. We wait. And Wait. And wait some more.
Lately, I have been waiting. I have been waiting for God to free my family from an addiction. I have been waiting for God to give me the power to finally find freedom from the insecurities that are crippling me.
Asking God, waiting for God, praying, asking, waiting, and so on…
I have times when I believe my family has been set free from addiction or that I have been set free myself. But then something happens. A relapse, an evil thought…whatever it may be, it is always something. This really hurts me and even though I don’t want to, I start to question God *everyone gasps* (I know, I am only human).
I ask God questions like: “I know you have the power. Please free us, Lord.”, “I love you, Lord. I need you. You are so powerful. Please. Give me the power to win this battle in my mind.”, “God. I know you love them. Please save them, someone I love, from this evil addiction!!”, “Are you even listening?”, “I am thinking toxic thoughts, Lord. Please. I can’t live like this.”, “Lord!! Where are you?”
I have been waiting on God and to be honest, it has been a long wait. I have been in a battle against myself. When I was begging God for His power and to bring me freedom from myself, God spoke in a way I would have never expected (typical).
He said, “Shelby, my grace is enough for you.”
Woah. I feel that. I feel it in my bones. I feel it in my soul. God spoke. I have been begging God for His power and treating Him like that is all I need from Him. But guess what? I was wrong. So, so wrong. God lovingly guided me back to where our whole relationship started, through grace.
I believe that one day my family will be free from addiction. I believe that one day I will find complete freedom from the insecurities that hold me down. But as I wait, I rest in grace. I rest in knowing Jesus loves me. I rest in knowing that even in my weakness, He is still strong. What a love Jesus has for us. He always finds us in our mess and makes it beautiful, we just sometimes have to wait.
-Shelby
