I was today years old when I learned what transparency actually looks like in a practical sense!
Transparency is telling the truth when you aren’t asked.. If that hit you as hard as it hit me, feel free to take a second to chew on that. I’ve always considered myself an honest person, and if asked about something on the personal side or something I’ve struggled with, more times than not I’ve been open to share about it. You see though, that’s the thing:: only when someone asked. And if we can all being honest here, who actually walks around willingly sharing their struggles or difficult life experience as if you’re simply sharing about your day? Not me.
Now, I heard about this side of transparency during a podcast about relationships and while I’m not in a romantic relationship, I have a ton of friendships. So I decided to put this definition next to those friendships. I realized that in my friendships that began quickly, the ones where we “clicked” right away were the friendships that I willingly shared sensitive pieces of my heart and story before the other person had to ask. And in the friendships that didn’t start off very quickly, or even slipped away, I didn’t willingly share anything that they could hold against me or judge me for. It’s never been my intention to be shallow with friendships, but I now see how in the past I’ve used being shallow as a safety guard. So the real question is why? Was I fearful of what people will think of me and my past? If so, what did I need that fear for?
That’s when I saw it; due to my insecurity and fear that if I’m not good enough, nice enough, etc., people will leave me, that I was only hurting myself! I was putting an unrealistic and unspoken expectation on the other person of wanting them to like me for me and accept my past, while at the same time not even sharing the things I was scared they would run away from and in turn then blaming them for the depth of our relationship or the lack there of.
Ya know, sometimes when you ask the Lord for feedback He actually gives it! Pride isn’t pretty and correction isn’t fun. But after it all, the growth is worth every bit of it even when it hurts. God is also the best at correcting you in love with grace. He’s such a good dad.
I’m so thankful for all the friendships I have but I’m also so sorry for the ones I’ve allowed to slip through the cracks! So, if anything in this blog sticks with you I hope it’s that you never allow fear to have a voice in your friendships!
Thank you for taking the time to read this blog! If you have any questions about my ministry or team or you have something you’d like to know more about, message me and I’ll write a blog about it!(:
Much love,,
Shelbs
***I want to clarify: just because a friendship fails or falls away, that does not mean that one or the other party wasn’t transparent enough. There are a million reasons as to why a friendship can end, I was simply referring to the depth of my friendships.
