During my time in Nepal our teams would take a lot of bus trips to get to our destinations. We never knew what we would experience on those buses or what we would see. One time we saw a goat come on and it just laid on the floor. Of course, being Americans, we were so shocked by what we were seeing with our eyes, but to these Nepali’s it was normal. Another time our destination was about 45 minutes and the whole time we stood, because all the seats were taken, and even while we were standing, these Nepal buses allowed even more people onto it! I mean it came to a point where we had no room to hang onto the handrails, but we just had to hang onto each other. I think we all experienced sitting in every single seat on those buses. From the very back, the middle, the very front, and oh yes right by where the door was wide open. It was crazy!! They also keep the door open where a worker on the bus will just be standing half in and half out, to yes you guessed it allow MORE people onto it. I say all this because I really want to give you a visual of what these bus rides would look like for us. It was an experience to say the least.
On these trips through the cities of Nepal we would have the opportunity to talk to the people on the bus if we chose to. That’s the thing too. Everything that comes across to us as an opportunity, is a choice. We can choose to step into the unknown. We can choose to spark up a conversation. We can choose to stay in the awkwardness. And if I am being completely honest, I was at the point where I wouldn’t choose those opportunities. I would ignore them, because I let myself get in my own way and how I was feeling took me away from even wanting to talk to people. It was and is so selfish. However, even in my selfishness the Lord put these appointments in front of me to see if I would choose it. I never knew that this one choice to talk to this woman would be a way the Father really wanted to speak to my own heart.
We were heading home from a prayer walk and I sat by a very beautiful Nepal woman. I looked at her and smiled and she did the same. And then it had to be the Lord prompting me to say it, but I told her out of no where “hey you are really beautiful; you know that right?” I mean come on, who just says that statement and then asks that question?? Definitely not me! But here I was and the words left my mouth and I was like oh my gosh, why in the world did I just say that?! And then my second thought was, well maybe she doesn’t speak English and I am in the clear. But then she looked at me and said so genuinely, “no I’m not, but thanks.” The words left her mouth and instantly my heart broke inside. I mean I am sitting by this beautiful woman and the words that I just said were foreign to her, because she did not believe it herself. I was so sad. I can’t even begin to put into words the way that crushed me. But it did and I told her, no but you are!! I was saying so many things so she could see that what I was saying was truth. I ended with this, “don’t you know that you are the only one like you in this world?” She just smiled and I just went on and on about how she was created for a purpose and how she was fearfully and wonderfully made. I wanted her to believe how the Lord saw her in His own eyes. A beautiful, strong, courageous Daughter of His.
I left that bus with such a heavy heart because I knew that she still didn’t believe it. We started walking back to our house and then the Lord spoke to my heart and if something could have brought me to my knees and cried it was this. I felt like He said, “the way that your heart broke on that bus, when that lady said she was not beautiful, is the same way my heart breaks when you think and say the same things about yourself.” WOW seriously guys, if I was not walking home at that moment I could have just busted into tears and dropped to my knees. That hit me SO hard. Earlier when I said that I let my own self get in the way, I was talking about my appearance. The way that I saw myself was the total opposite on how the Lord saw me. I thought I was down right not beautiful and feeding into the lies that I will never be enough. I know that sounds stupid and such a petty thing, but that’s what was happening inside. And I wish I could say that after that moment I didn’t struggle with those lies, but I did. I still do sometimes. What is different now though, is that this is memory, moment and TRUTH is something that I will always remember and shifted something in my heart. Yes I still struggle and have my rainy days, but again like I said, everything is a choice. And now I choose to shut down those lies and speak that TRUTH, LIGHT and BEAUTY over myself and my life.
I love being able to look back on these moments and seeing the pursuit of the Father and the pursuit of the Bridegroom after my heart. I hope that the Lord uses that own moment and memory in that woman’s life still today. I pray that she sees herself the way her Creator sees her. I also pray and want to declare over people reading this. You are Beautiful. You are Enough. You are Strong. You are Courageous. You are Bold. You are a Child of a Heavenly Father.
I never knew what would come out of that conversation before I spoke up, but I am so thankful for it. So, whenever you see that opportunity to speak to your so called, “woman on the bus,” do it, because something really beautiful can come out of it. I leave you with this, In the song lyrics of Johnny Diaz, “there could never be a more beautiful you.” Speak it. Declare it. Believe it.
