It’s been five months since I said yes to going on the World Race. It has been four months since I have blogged about what has been going on in my life, what God has been teaching me and what I have genuinely been feeling when it comes down to everything.
God has been so faithful even when I haven’t been. He has revealed to me that He will provide and give me that daily manna, and it can look as simple as a friend giving you a chocolate bar (that happened to me) or maybe a really cool moment at work, where all your colleagues pray before a big decision. Sometimes you don’t even know what that manna could be or what it could look like. I think you just have to trust that whatever God has for you on that day, He will equip you for it. Trust me, its hard, I still struggle with understanding and trusting in my daily manna. My biggest one right now is the fundraising process.
It’s left me questioning, God, “are you sure I can raise this type of money?” “God, you do know that $19,200 is a lot of money right?” I am asking Him questions that He literally already knows. However, still, when I struggle to believe it can be done, He has been faithful. I received money from people I haven’t even met. I have found myself in places where I have had the opportunity to talk about this ministry more and more. I have been able to talk about my testimony to these people and why I feel led to go on The WR. Raising money is important, but I think what has been really the most important, is raising God’s banner and showing people who He continues to be in my life, and what He can be in theirs.
That leads me to say this, I know He is faithful, but if I am honest, I am afraid. When I talk about the trip, it is pretty easy rattling off all the countries and saying the same thing over and over. That person on the other end is seeing just one side of a girl, a girl who is confident, ready and knows the countries she is going to by heart. What they are not seeing is the other side of this girl. The girl who gets really overwhelmed by all of this, who is choking back tears because leaving the comfort of her family and friends is so scary to her. However, this girl who feels all these emotions and answers all these questions knows that this fear is one of the reasons God is calling her to go.
Last New Years Eve I said my New Years Resolution would be “faith over fear.” Right after making that resolution, I did the complete opposite and chose fear, rather than faith. Even though my decision, in my opinion, was not the right or wrong one, I know that I decided it based on fear. This time though, I am choosing to leave my comfort zone. I am choosing to leave my loved ones, not because I want to, but because I know I need to take this risk.
Recently I heard a quote that has stuck with me and was said to me by a very special person in my life, my Dad. He has this taped on his computer at work, and it is this, “a ship in harbor is safe, but that is not what ships are made for.” – John. A. Shedd. Every part of me wants to be that ship that stays safe in the harbor, but I know, that it is not what I was created for, neither are you.
God did not call us to be comfortable. He is calling us to go out and baptize all nations (The Great Commission Matthew 28: 19-20). I don’t know what that may look like in your life, but as you are reading this, it is my prayer that the Holy Spirit is revealing to you what it is and that you are doing your best to choose faith over fear.
