Vulnerability
It’s not an easy word, much less an easy thing to do.
It is week two and I have found that living in community 24/7 forces you to be vulnerable, not only with the people you are around, but also with yourself. (Which I find 100 times harder.) For years I have tried to suppress the deep- rooted emotional bondage that the Lord has been calling me to walk through. The Lord has put it on my heart to share some of my story, along with one of my struggles. Vulnerability is a choice. So here I am, choosing to be vulnerable with myself but also my supporters back at home.
d a u g h t e r –
What does this word mean to you?
The typical definition is a girl or woman in relation to either or both of her parents. However, there is a deeper meaning to this word. Daughter is used as a term of affectionate address to a woman considered a product of a particular person. Which in this case for me, would be the Lord. And holy moly, have I struggled with the deeper meaning.
After years of bad circumstances, and verbal abuse, I have been manipulated into the lie that I am not worthy to be called a daughter of Christ. Loved ones, this is a LIE from the enemy that I have been believing from the time I was 15. I have felt because of my past and the lie that I was not “enough” (verbal abuse from numerous relationships) that somehow I was disqualified from being a daughter. Have any of you ever felt the same way?
Well, let me let you in on a little secret- that could not be further from the truth.
2nd Corinthians 6:18 says “And I will be a father to you, and you shall be sons and daughters to me, says the Lord Almighty.”
It doesn’t say if or when He chooses to be your father. He has always and forever will be our Father, and we will always be His daughters and His sons. We are made in His image.
Psalms 139:13 says “For you have formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb.”
The Lord created us, He knows every part of us. The good and bad. He knows everything we have done, and everything we will do. And here is the beautiful thing, He still loves us regardless. He chooses us every day. Let me put this into context.
I want you guys to think about the one person you could not live without. The one person that you don’t go a day without thinking about. The one person you would do anything for. The person who you can sit with and do absolutely nothing with but be completely content. The one person who you makes you feel at home. The one person who can make you smile on your worst day. The one person who you love so deeply it almost scares you. Now think about the way you feel, and exemplify it times infinity.
That loved ones, is the way the Lord feels about His daughters and sons. He has a love for us that is pure and unfathomable. A love that will chase us down, find us, and bring us back home no matter how prone we are to wander.
“For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.” -Romans 8: 28-29
In God’s eyes we are valued, accepted, and precious. Nothing could ever separate us from the love He has for His children.
But if you are like me- even on my best days, I find this hard to believe.
This is where inner healing comes into play.
The Lord has revealed to me in the short time that I have been in Australia that He desires inner healing for and in my heart. We live in an emotionless society where we are told to hide our feelings and live the typical cookie- cutter American dream. This is not what the Lord desires. He loves His children so much that He does not leave us where we are at, but takes our hand and walks through the tough junk in our life. I am going to be completely honest, this healing is not easy. It’s painful. Most days I cry. I have to bring back emotions that have been deep- rooted hurt for years now. I have to bring back memories that come with shame. This is emotional bondage. I have to constantly remind myself of the Lord’s promises. Replacing the lie “not enough” with “more than enough.” The lie of “unworthy” with “chosen.” I have to invite others into my junk, which is pretty stinkin’ difficult. But by far the hardest thing is knowing I have just barely touched the surface of what the Lord wants to heal in my life.
But there is a freedom that comes from healing. A freedom that is represented in vulnerability and truth with others. A freedom that only comes from the Lord.
A freedom that allows me to take ownership of being a daughter.
I encourage you to ask what the Lord wants to heal in your life. Invite others into the hurt. Reach out to me, because I am walking in the same journey. And finally trust the Lord in the healing he wants you to experience from emotional bondage.
