When I reflect back on the moment I felt God calling me to the World Race, I remember feeling unqualified and unexcited. This is probably not what you expected me to say in the first sentence of my fourth blog, but trust me.
I had been researching this organization and the World Race experience for about a month at this point and I thought it looked awesome and pretty crazy. I remember thinking, “Wow. 11 months of living out of a backpack, uprooting your life every 30 days, extreme traveling and weather, and so much deconstruction of an ordinary 20-something comfort zone. It looks incredible, but I could never do this.”
I remember sitting on the back porch of the house I was living in at IU having a conversation with God. “Seriously. I mean, seriously God? Who am I? I am nowhere near smart enough, I don’t know enough scripture, can I really take a whole year for this and even if I did, where would that leave me when I returned.” Now I picture God in this moment sitting across from me in a rocking-chair-esque throne sipping coffee patiently listening. Then the conversation turned to the money. “$16,243. You must be crazy.”
The next day I sent in my application and patiently awaited what would become a month long interview process and then another month to decide whether or not I was actually going to commit.
The past few days I have been reflecting on Moses’s call to ministry. I read about when Moses was met by God at a burning bush in Exodus 3 & 4 and kept thinking about how similar I felt to Moses. “God I am not able.”
I was listening to a sermon on my drive home from Joplin that really hit home for me. Deficiency is synonymous with lacking. Insecurity is believing you are deficient at something. Therefore insecurity is believing you lack some trait, quality, etc. The sermon I was listening to points out that Moses never doubted God, Moses doubted that God could carry out His will with him (Exodus 3:11-4;10). How was Moses, a person not eloquent in speaking, supposed to speak into and lead people?
In Exodus 3:13-15 Moses said to God, “If I come to the people of Israel and say to them, ‘The God of your fathers has sent me to you,’ and they ask me, ‘What is his name?’ what shall I say to them?” God said to Moses, “I AM WHO I AM.” And he said, “Say this to the people of Israel, ‘I AM has sent me to you.’”
I Am. Present tense. God tells Moses, “I Am who I Am.” God is the sufficiency of our insufficiency, He is the perfection of our imperfection. I am not capable, God is capable. I am not able, but God is (Ephesians 3:20). I am doubtful, but God is faithful (1 Corinthians 1:9).
As I sit and reflect on the past six months—the pre-trip prep for the race—I am so thankful for the way God has provided. I have let go of my doubt and realized God will blow my socks off if I just faithfully follow. Where I was lacking in my desire to read scripture, God provided accountability with a small group of friends at my campus ministry to get me rolling. Where I was lacking in finances, God provided a stable, well-paying temporary job and parents who allowed me to move back home. Where I doubted in fundraising, God continuously has shown up through so many friends (new and old) who willingly give and excitingly affirm my future plans.
Please continue to join me in prayer as I prepare for training camp in October and launch in January. Also, I am still selling bracelets if you would like to order please comment or get in contact with me. For more info on the bracelet campaign check out my past blog .
With Love,
Shelby
