"Whenever the could lifted from above the tent, the Israelites set out; wherever the cloud settled, the Israelites encamped. At the lords command the Israelites set out, and at his command they encamped. As long as the cloud stayed over the tabernacle, they remained in camp. When the cloud remained over the tabernacle a long time, the Israelites obeyed the lords order and did not set out. Sometimes the cloud was over the tabernacle only a few days; at the lords command they would encamp, and then at his command they would set out. " -Numbers 9:17-20
The first time I came back to America after doing missions in a third world country I wasn't the most pleasant person to be around. I was filled with heart break that often expressed itself through anger.
I was angry at myself for having the luxuries that so many Americans enjoy: a closet, a car, too many shoes to count and hot water, just to name a few.
I was angry at others because they weren't bothered that they had all this stuff and people all around the world didn't.
The heart break and anger that I experienced and held onto actually pushed me away from people who I loved, and people who just wanted to love me too.
I'm determined not to make those same mistakes again.
I'm determined not to push people away.
I'm determined to not mask heart break with anger.
I'm determined to walk in peace knowing that I'm back in America, not just because the world race is over, but because Abba said, in this season, this is where I need to be.
When this blog is posted, in just 5 short days I'll be back in South Carolina. I'll be back in the arms of those who love me most, back in my warm bed, and back to a world that kept on moving just as I did this past year.
I'll be entering during a busy time of year: a time that is meant to be a time of thankfulness that leads to a season of celebration of Jesus. Its a little overwhelming to think that the majority of American society spends a lot more time and money on things that move the focus from thankfulness to food and from Jesus to Santa.
So for all those that I get to see upon my re-entry into the states I pray that you would treat me with grace as I adjust. It might take me a while to figure out and remember even the simple things.
Like the fact that I can drink water out of the sink.
Or the fact that I can put my used toilet paper in the toilet and not in a trash can.
Or the fact that I can take a shower and leave the water on the entire time.
Or the fact that I'm no longer sleeping with 6 or more people in one room.
Or the fact that I don't have to heat up water and use an instant coffee packet, but I can get a real cup of brewed coffee.
Or the fact that I can get in my car at any point, and drive and not have to tell anyone where I'm going.
Or the fact that I can be in a car and not feel every bump on the road because they actually have suspension.
Or the fact that I don't have to live out of a pack, and now I have a closet full of clothes that I've forgotten about.
I am excited to enter back into my life and family back in America, and I'm sure those closest to me will get some laughs out of the adjustments I experience.
In all seriousness though, I want you to know that while I am heart broken to be leaving my 42 member family of b squad and this constant "adventure after adventure" lifestyle I am more than excited for a sense of consistency and to see and interact with each of you again soon.
In addition to asking for grace, I ask that you not treat me as if I'm fragile; I promise you wont break me. I also ask that you don't treat me as if I'm the only one who has stories worth sharing from this past year. You changed and grew and learned too!
I also want to extend the invitation to all of you who have been praying me through this year, or those of you who have stumbled on my blogs: I would love to meet with you over coffee or something! Or if you would like me to share what Abba has done in and through me with a larger group I'm up for that too! Feel free to comment on this blog, or email me and we will set something up!
The song my heart is singing as I return home says,
"No place I would rather be than here in your love."
Just as the Israelites followed Gods command through a cloud, I'm following his command through love, all the way to South Carolina. I'm learning through past experiences and declaring this time WILL be different.
The cloud is lifting!
