Here in Thailand we are beyond blessed to have a ministry host who is so in line with God. She encourages us daily to get God to tell us our who we are, and I am learning more and more that God sees me much different than I see myself.
The puzzle of my identity started collecting new pieces during month 1 debrief when our squad Dad said something that began a change in my heart. His words were simple, "you are not a sinner."
At first I wanted to tell him he had made a mistake, because I was in fact a sinner because just today I sinned countless times.
He then began explaining that before I accepted Jesus my identity was labeled, "sinner" but once I accepted Jesus in my heart and made him Lord of my life God no longer viewed me as a sinner but as a daughter and as a friend.
And God, in his very nature, cant lie. So if he says he replaced the title of sinner with his daughter and his friend then he must be right, right?
While I can believe that in a moment, it's another thing to live that out day in and day out. I mean think about it, that changes everything. The way I view myself, the way I view others, and the way I view what Jesus did for me.
Another piece of my identity puzzle was given to me our first Sunday in Thailand when we had the privilege of experiencing a church that worshipped in English and Thai! It was so beautiful to hear praises in both languages and for the first time since America I can say I left church feeling so filled. God allowed me to experience a time without worship and preaching in my own language to show me how important it is that people hear the gospel in their heart language. I cant explain it other than to say Jesus just does something special in those moments.
As if that wasn't enough, the pastor spoke on identity from John 8. It's the story of the woman who was caught in adultery and his words of truth and revelation captured my heart.
"The teachers of the law and the Pharisees brought in a woman caught in adultery. They made her stand before the group and said to Jesus, 'Teacher, this woman was caught in the act of adultery. In the law of Moses commanded us to stone such women. Now what do you say?' They were using this question as a trap, in order to have a basis for accusing him. But Jesus bent down and started to write on the ground with his finger. When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, 'If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her.' Again he stooped down and wrote on the ground. At this, those who heard began to go away one at a time, the older ones first, until only Jesus was left, with the woman still standing there. Jesus straightened up and asked her, 'woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?' 'No one sir,' she said. 'Then neither do I condemn you,' Jesus declared, 'Go now and leave your life of Sin."
-John 8:3-11
Notice that Jesus was the only one who was qualified, by lack of sin, to throw stones at her. But he didn't. He didn't throw stones, and he didn't call her a sinner. Was what she was doing wrong? Absolutely, but Jesus wasn't lashing out at her because He chose to be stoned for her, and for you and me, on the cross.
It was at the cross that God lashed out all his wrath for the sins we committed on his son. It was once and for all and it covered every sin, past, present and future for all of his children.
Because of that painful moment God now views us through the blood of his son. It's his blood that makes us white as snow, and it's his blood that changes our identity. The truth is that it's been changed, but so many of us are still caught in our old identity as sinner, and when we allow ourselves to continually be labeled as sinner we are telling God that what Jesus did on the cross wasn't enough to change our identity.
Thats simply not true. Therefore, if, like me, you are a son or daughter of the king, you are not a sinner! Do you sin? Absolutely, but Abba has no wrath left for you. Instead he has grace like an ocean and love that knows no depth nor heights.
" And I pray that you being rooted and established in love may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high is the love of Christ- and to know this love that surpasses knowledge…"-Ephesians 3:17-19
The latest piece of my identity puzzle fell into place during bar ministry in Thailand. I had no problem loving the girls caught in this devastating lifestyle of sex trafficking, but as far as the men that bought them as if they were objects, that was a whole different story. How could God have enough love and grace for these men?
As I sat there talking with girls about empty promises and unfulfilled dreams I began to be filled with rage at these men. They weren't just buying the girls for the night, they were taking them to get pedicures, clothes, and to pet tigers; and for no other reason than to try to make themselves feel better about what they were doing. In the process the girls were falling 'in love' with them and all their empty promises of a better life back in America.
I know I'm supposed to be slow to anger, so in that moment when anger was raging I prayed a simple prayer, "God take this anger from me and allow me to see these men through your eyes."
God answered before I said amen. Three elderly men from America walked by the bar we were sitting in and the women went and pursued them by telling them they were handsome. Then it hit me, these men are no different than me in my rebellion; they are empty and looking for anything to validate them and fill them with a sense of worth.
In that moment my heart broke for them. And I was slapped in the face by the fact that I had been very 'Pharisee-like.' I had labeled these men as scum, as undeserving of grace and love because of all the sense of justice within my heart.
Is what they are doing wrong? Absolutely.
Does that give me a right to judge them? Absolutely not, that is not my job.
Does their sin reach a level that grace or love cant touch? Absolutely not.
At the end of the day my anger doesn't change a thing. I could lecture them or hit them upside the head or even pray for Jesus to strike them down, but that wouldn't change their hearts. The only thing that can transform even the hardest of hearts is the love of Jesus. And Jesus would love them if he was around them today. I choose to love them by not praying curses on them, and instead praying blessings over them.
God is still continuing to reveal to me different pieces of my identity and just like any blessing he gives, he gives it for more than just me. Knowing more of my identity helps me to see others through God's lenses too.
What piece of your puzzle is God trying to give you? Maybe its that you come to terms with the fact that you are his son or daughter, or that you're not a sinner, or that your job isn't to judge the sins of others. Whatever piece it is receive it from Him and allow it to shape the way you view yourself and others
