The past two months I've gotten used to seeing and smelling lots of burning trash on the side of the road. Even though it's become an everyday occurrence I have yet to understand why some places in the world tolerate the awful smell of burning trash.
But what I do realize is that I don't have to understand it. I accept that I come from a culture that handles trash differently, but who am I to say that America has it right and other cultures have it wrong?
Right or wrong the similarity God pointed out to me is that we all have trash. Whether we hide it in a bag and a truck comes to pick it up, or whether we throw it on the ground and then burn it, we all have it.
It's an inevitable part of being a human. So I decided that for 24 hours I was going to pay attention to all the things I threw away. It was astounding the amount of garbage I produce, even while on this lifestyle of "less" on the World Race.
What God showed me through paying attention to my trash was that while I was paying attention to mine, the smell of other people's trash was a whole lot less noticeable.
I had been so busy focusing on other people's trash that I didn't pay attention to the fact that I was producing just as much trash as they were. My trash stunk just as bad as theirs did too.
God spoke to me in this moment and told me that I had been taught by my culture to handle my physical and spiritual trash very differently. I grew up learning to put my physical trash in a bag that smells better so it'll hide the smell, then give it to someone else to deal with. When I put it in the bag labeled "Febreeze" it still stinks, the bag just masks the stench. When I give it to someone else it leaves my hands, but it still exists.
I believe I have been unconsciously taught to do the same thing with my "spiritual trash." It's best to hide that I have ugly stinky parts, and better to mask it up by a pretty presentation, and then pass it along to someone else to handle.
That is a lie that I have believed for too long. I'm not going to pretend it doesn't exist anymore. I'm going to place it out for people to see that I am not perfect, but I have a savior who is.
He picks up my trash and says, "Daughter, this breaks my heart. I love you too much to allow this to be present in your life. Can I have this? Can I take this from you and make something worthy out of it?" When I decide to stop hiding it and give it to Jesus He takes it and burns it. It no longer exists, and not only is it not present but the process of burning it allows others to see what he can do with my trash and it gives hope that He can do the same with their trash.
My life is a continual journey of recognizing new pieces of trash that I produce. When Jesus sheds light on it my first instinct is to hide it; but I'm coming to terms with the fact that He wants to use my trash to instill hope in others.
"… God is light; in Him there is no darkness at all. If we claim to have fellowship with him yet walk in darkness we lie and do not live by truth. But if we walk in the light, as He is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin."
–1 John 1:5-7
The first piece of trash He shed light on during the World Race was my trash of comparison. Since bringing that trash to light God has used it to bring freedom to my life and others. He has burned it, and He continues to burn it day by day.
The next piece of trash is quite ugly, and it stinks a lot. I didn't want to share it with anyone, especially all those that follow my blogs. But Jesus told me to, so therefore I am confident that He is going to use it to bring freedom in my life, and give others hope.
So here it goes: a lot of trash that I produce is due to parts of my heart that are very manipulative. When Jesus first told me this it was really hard to swallow. The last thing I want to be described as is manipulative because it's the opposite of all that Jesus is!
After Jesus told me that it was there He showed me where it originated. The first time I was manipulative was when I was a child and I would use my parents divorce to my benefit. When one parent would tell me no, I would go the other one to get what I wanted. Many times when they fought, I would use their fights as an upper hand to get what I wanted.
I know it might seem silly to go all the way back to childhood, but it was there that I learned that I could be manipulative to get my way. It was wrong, and it was a destructive learned behavior that I've carried with me until now.
I repented to Jesus and asked him to come in take my trash, and burn it until it doesn't exist anymore. I don't want any trace of manipulation to be found in my heart, or my life.
By getting it out in the open I allow myself to be held accountable by the community God has placed me. 6 girls that can look at me and say, "Shelby let it burn," when it comes up.
I rejoice that Jesus is pointing out my trash-its a painful process but a process that makes me look more like him and point others to the hope that is found in Jesus alone. He can take manipulation and replace it with honesty and purity and that's what I am asking Him to do today and everyday.
As you read this I ask you not to focus on other people's trash and ask Abba to show you the trash in your life. Instead of hiding it, hand it over to Jesus and allow him to let it burn. As it burns He will use the smoke to draw people to Himself- the epitome of redemption: trash to glory!
"I have swept away your offenses like a cloud, your sins like the morning mist. Return to me, for I have redeemed you." -Isaiah 44:22
