“Lord who may dwell in your sacred tent? Who may live on your holy mountain?
The one whose walk is blameless,
who does what isrighteous
who speaks the truth from their heart
whose tongue utters no slander,
who does no wrong to a neighbor,
and casts no slur on others;
who despises a vile person
but honors those who fear the lord
who keeps an oath even when it hurts,
and does not change their mind,
who lends money to the poor without interest,
who does not accept a bribe against the innocent.
Whoever does these things will never be shaken.”
-Psalm 15
I’ve been back from training camp for more than two weeks and this blog isn’t getting any easier to write. How do I put into words all that happened in the week that felt like 3 months? I’ll start by saying this:
If the world race is anything like training camp I’m in for one heck of a year.
Training camp wrecked me. I take that back, God wrecked me at training camp. He showed me things in my life, in my attitude, in my expectations that look nothing like Him.
I went in to training camp with so many emotions. Part of me wanted to cry, part of me wanted to vomit, and part of me wanted to grab the wheel and turn the car around. Everything that I said for months that I would be doing was now actually happening. It was getting real. There was no turning back.
I expected to be cold at night in tents, which I was.
I expected to be stretched physically, which I was.
I expected to eat things that were gross, which I did.
But I didn’t expect many things:
I didn’t expect God to show me areas in my life that needed healing, but He did.
I didn’t expect to get in touch with the Holy Spirit in new ways, but I did.
I didn’t expect God to point out sin in my heart that needed to be handled, but He did.
I didn’t expect to instantaneously become family with my 49 squad mates, but I did.
I didn’t expect to be put on an all girls team, but I did.
I started with Psalm 15 because I think that’s a great way to sum up what God taught me.
The psalmist starts out by asking The Lord who will live in your sacred tent? (God has such a sense of humor; ‘sacred tent’ after a week of getting acclimated to tent life) Anyways, then The Lord answers by listing attributes of people who will dwell in His presence: blameless, righteous, speaks truth from their heart, tongue speaks no slander, does no wrong to a neighbor, casts no slur, despises the vile, honors, keeps promises, doesn’t change their mind, lends money, and doesn’t accept a bribe.
Well I would love to paint you a pretty picture; one that says my walk is always blameless. But that picture would be very far from the truth.
But that’s okay, because I am willing to change. I am willing for The Lord to convict, teach, instruct, mold, destroy; whatever He has to do to make me into the woman He has called me to be. I enjoy conviction, because I know what the end result will be: looking more like Christ. But that doesn’t mean that the process of looking like Christ is easy, in fact it’s messy.
Dying to myself everyday isn’t going to be easy. Learning how speak truth from my heart, honor those who fear the lord, and keep promises even when it hurts, is going to be hard. When I fall short of those things I will stumble; I will be shaken, as God warns in the Psalms.
But because my Father delights in me, He hurts when I stumble, he hurts when I am shaken. He longs for me to return to Him where He can catch me. He wants to catch me. He doesn’t want anyone, or anything else to catch me. And this year my prayer is that I learn more and more how to fall into His arms.
For those of you reading this that may be thinking, “she’s crazy…there is no way I would go on an all girls team.” Let me say this, those were my exact thoughts, “no way.” I thought I needed a man there to offer me safety and assurance.
The Lord showed me at training camp that HE was all that I needed. I was using men as a crutch, as a place to run to feel safe, and in order for me to fall into HIS arms; He needed to rid me of having a male on my team. He knew that instead of going to HIM for safety, I would go to the guy. So, he took that away.
That was a tough lesson for me to learn; and I’ll admit my parents are still warming up to the idea of an all female team. But there is such a peace about the team God has placed me on.
Will it be easy? No way
Will God use each of us to teach each other how to love like Jesus did? Oh yeah.
And to think, this was just a week.
God is in the transforming business. He doesn’t want to clean up my behavior; He doesn’t want me to be comfortable. He wants me transformed and living a life that is reliant on Him alone. So my question for you is this, whose (or what) arms are you falling into instead of the Lord’s?
“My son (or daughter) do not despise the Lord’s discipline, and do not resent his rebuke, because the Lord disciplines whose he loves,as a father the son (or daughter) delights in”
-Proverbs 3:11-12
