I believe that every persons life is a stream of decisions. Decisions that we can say no to, or decisions we can say yes to. Some decisions are little and may not cause a large effect either way, yet others make the world of difference.
As I write this blog I have made a few minor decisions today such as what to wear, when to get up and whether or not to use a pack of my instant coffee, and I would like to think that those decisions don't really have a dramatic effect on my life.
But there was one decision I made when I was a little girl that changed everything. In a moment I realized that God was proud of me and loved me for exactly who I was and I made the life altering decision to begin a relationship with him. I followed through with that decision by walking down the aisle of the church I was raised in and being baptized.
But, my walk with him and decision to say yes to him in that moment did not mean that I would never have to choose him again. That day was simply the first time and only where the journey began.
I would like to tell you that ever since that journey began I have done nothing but choose him, but that would be a bold face lie. Since I'm being honest, when I was a little girl I began my relationship with God because I wanted what he could give me; I mean what child likes the idea of going to hell and being separated from a God who loves them?
I sure didn't and therefore I said yes to a relationship with God that was almost entirely one sided. He gave and I took.
That relationship continued over into high school and part of college and during that time I decided that it was much more fun to choose Jesus only on Sundays. Monday through Saturday I chose other things like alcohol, drugs, and boys.
And then in college something clicked and I realized that Jesus didn't only want to be with me on Sundays and when I die, but every day. He wanted to give me life abundantly but he couldn't because instead of choosing him I chose other things that never came through on the promises to leave me fulfilled.
I'll never forget that morning on the floor of my apartment when I chose him knowing that by choosing him I was choosing to die to so many of my habits. But at that point it didn't even seem like much of a sacrifice because I knew he had to be greater than what I was trying on my own.
I'd love to tell you that my story with Jesus has been a bunch of yes's ever since, but that wouldn't be true either. But one thing I have learned is that the more times I say no, the easier "no" becomes.
I'm tired of saying no to Abba. After that raw moment in college on the floor of my apartment I knew that he desired that I make an outward expression of that intimate moment with him through baptism.
But, you see, there never really was a perfect time. There was always an excuse and many times that excuse boiled down to pride. Right after I made the decision to tell Jesus he was worth being number one I went to the Philippines, and the next thing I knew I was a missionary and then a youth minister. In my mind youth ministers and missionaries should have already went through with baptism, and I didn't want to rock the boat and have people think I wasn't qualified so I just didn't do it at all.
I know that sounds ridiculously stupid, and all I can say is the pride in my heart makes me believe stupid things.
But, here I am today breaking that cycle of stupid and letting everyone that reads this know that in just a few days, during my final debrief of the world race I am being baptized in the ocean by my beloved family of b squad, and this time its not just a baptism into all that God has for me, but a baptism that symbolizes the death of dying to things in me that aren't of him and living a life that honors him.
A long sequence of decisions and events have led me to this point and it all began with a little girl who wanted so desperately to have her Heavenly Father love her and to save her. I praise him that today it has grown into a full blown relationship that is active every day of the week. I'm still far from perfect but I'm getting baptized to symbolize my prayer each and every day: dying to myself so that Christ can live in me.
It doesn't matter when you start, or where you start, just as long as you make the decision to say yes to Jesus. Whether you were raised in the church or in a barn, whether you are afraid of God, mad at God, or coming to Jesus for what he can give you, or to get you out of hell. He meets you where you're at. Whether you're a little child or a teenager or a mom or a dad or a grandmother or grandfather, a missionary, a pastor, a prostitute, an addict, or a youth minister; it's not too late. Gods not done with you, and each day is a day where we get to choose Jesus or not. He wont force you, he leaves the choice in your hand.
My next yes is coming to the water. What's yours?
