So it begins…the worry, the sadness, and the stress.
I have to raise $6,000 in one month. HOW on earth am I going to do that!?
My little brother just called me crying because he doesn’t want me to leave.
I realized that I will not be spending Christmas or New Years with my family this year.
Everything right now is so overwhelming….But God.
I opened my devotional and re-read what God showed me this morning. The passage reads:
“I have promised to meet all your needs according to My glorious riches. Your deepest, most constant need is for My Peace. I have planted Peace in the garden of your heart, where I live, but there are weeds growing there too: pride, worry, selfishness, unbelief. I am the Gardener, and I am working to rid your heart of those weeds. I do My work in various ways. When you sit quietly with Me, I shine the Light of My Presence directly into your heart. In this heavenly Light, Peace grows abundantly and weeds shrivel up. I also send trials into your life. When you trust me in the midst of trouble, Peace flourishes and weeds die away. Thank me for troublesome situations; the Peace they can produce far outweighs the trials you endure.”
OH MAN.
That was so written for me!
MY mind is in chaos. I have had so many overwhelming emotions all day. I am beyond excited that I have been given the chance to travel across the world to serve those who have much less that me and do not have the joy of knowing Christ that I do. I am so excited that I have the opportunity to serve other people and love them and walk in their shoes (or lack thereof). But at the same time, this calls for me to give up so much. I will be leaving my home, my family, my car, my country. I will be giving up the food that I enjoy, air conditioning, clean water, a bed of my own. Everything I know and am comfortable with will not be mine anymore. This is a hard reality to face!
But I know that no matter the trials that I face, I can find God in any situation. I know that God has brought me to where I am now, and He will provide the funds I need to travel and serve Him. But I know the He may choose to wait until the absolute last second to give me what I need, forcing me to be completely reliant and in constant contact with him. And though it may be scary and it may hurt, I am okay with it, because nothing is sweeter than resting in the peace of God.
So my prayer is that God would draw me close to him. I know that trials will come my way, but it is crucial that I turn to God when they do. So I pray for strength. I know that I alone do not have the strength to handle it all on my own, but I know that if I rely on Christ, He is strong enough.
This is going to be hard, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. Leaving my family for 9 months, the longest I’ve ever been apart from them, is going to hurt. Bad. They are my rock, my support system, my source of cuddles, and they constantly point me towards God. But I know that they couldn’t be happier for the calling that God has placed on my life.
So here I am. I’m going all in. I will trust you, Lord, and I will put my life in your hands. I’m taking the first step. I’m getting out of the boat. And I know that if I keep my eyes on the Lord, He will not let me drown.
