Hello again! I’m sorry it has been awhile since my last post! Now bare with me, this is a long one, but I really wanted to make sure I took the time to pour my heart into my next post. Since you all are so generous and kind with your donations and prayer, I felt it was only fair to tell you my story about how I joined the World Race and how the Lord has impacted me.
In complete vulnerability, I must admit I used to think I wasn’t a good enough Christian because I didn’t have what I thought was a “powerful testimony.” Nothing horribly traumatizing or tragic happened to me or my family. In fact, my background could be considered “clear-cut” by some: I was raised by wonderful, supportive parents, attended a Christian school my entire life, went to church every Sunday, etc. Getting the picture? When I was younger, I thought it meant I found God the wrong way, but as I entered high school I just figured I was blessed to believe in God early on in life and left it at that…..But that was my problem. I became comfortable with God. I never grew away from the Lord or felt abandoned by Him, but I didn’t feel close either.
Having grown up in a textbook Christian background, one would think I felt God all the time–that He was just a part of me. Well it wasn’t until two years ago that I felt the Lord for the first time. Sure, until that point, He was definitely in my life but I never relied on Him. From 16, I began formulating my own plans and setting life to my pace. I wanted to be a nurse because it was a respected profession with job security and a stable paycheck. How could God not be satisfied with that? Spoiler alert: He wasn’t. Suddenly I began flunking my nursing exams after studying for hours on end. I began to freak out because this was ME. I had always been proud of my academic performance and had never struggled, but out of nowhere I’m not passing?! For months afterwards I felt like a complete failure. My plan for being a nurse crumbled before my eyes, and being halfway through college, I thought all hope was lost.
The summer following my sophomore year, I went with a group from my university to Australia. During one of our last days there we went to a church service at the well-known Hillsong Church to hear Pastor Tommy Barnett, the founder of LA’s Dream Center speak. It was through this visit I heard the Lord for the first time. Pastor Barnett spoke on how to earn the greatest title of them all: being a servant. The message reflected on how titles do not define a person’s worth and why being a servant to the Lord is so important. Before I knew it, I grabbed my friend’s hand and began weeping. As I listened, I felt what I can only describe to be tingles go through my body and someone putting arms around me. And the cherry on top was when Pastor Barnett referred to some people in the sanctuary being “little Mother Teresa’s” and “using the Lord’s gift of kind, servant hearts” to spread His name. I could have collapsed in my seat (if that’s even possible). Not only was this message something I knew I was meant to hear, but the pastor was also using these phrases that my mom would say to me as encouragement to trust God’s plan. I immediately turned to my friend and sobbed saying “This is for me! I know what I’m supposed to do. I finally know.” When the group returned to our hostel, I emailed my mom telling her all about it and how I knew I was to do social work. She even still has this email and sends it to me as a reminder of God’s faithfulness, and I still have the sermon notes from that night 🙂
After that trip and that visit at Hillsong, my life changed. I was enrolled in social work classes and had no doubt in my mind this profession was made for me. After people began to ask what I was doing now, and I said social work, every single person stated how perfect it was for me and couldn’t believe I hadn’t thought of it before. Although God had restored my path and guided my feet, I was still just comfortable with Him. Once my life was back on track, I fell back into the same habit of not needing God and depending on myself. And yet again….the Lord took hold of me.
It happened the summer before this school year. I was looking up possible job opportunities for after graduation and came across the Peace Corps. I became so interested in the possibility, but I had my doubts because it was such a long commitment and just not exactly what I wanted to be doing. Literally the next morning, I read a tweet from my university about an alum who was doing something called The World Race. I clicked the link to her story and was fascinated. I felt in my gut that this was something I needed to pursue, but I was nervous to tell my parents. I didn’t think the idea of raising about $17,000, sending their child out of the country for a year, and living in primal conditions sounded appealing from a parent’s perspective. At first my hunch was right, but after sleeping on it my mom was all in; she had total faith I could do this. So after being given my parents’ blessings, the rest of the summer was spent on researching and praying about the trip since I couldn’t apply until the fall.
I was so excited about this opportunity, until one night I caved into every fear. It was a Saturday night and I began sobbing in bed. I prayed aloud to God to break me, to help challenge me, to help me love Him, to help me serve Him. I didn’t feel worthy enough to go on this trip. I went to church the next morning and we had a guest speaker. He began to preach and all of a sudden something grabbed my chest—I looked to PowerPoint slide of notes and saw EVERY SINGLE WORD from my prayer the night before. “In Humility: Let Jesus Break You. In Holiness: Let Jesus Cleanse You. In Obedience: Let Jesus Challenge You. In Love: Let Jesus Overwhelm You.” The tingles and the hug overcame me, and that was when I felt the Lord for the second time. I couldn’t contain my joy and tears were flowing out of me. I knew this was God’s plan.
This opportunity has changed my life. It is the vessel God has used to speak to me and to lead me to Him again. Even reliving this story to tell it to all of you has brought tears to my eyes. I went from a stale-mate relationship to a companionship. Whenever I’m alone in my car, I feel like someone is in my passenger seat; whenever I’m in my room, I feel like someone is in there with me. I can feel His hugs of encouragement and His hand for reassurance. Whenever I have doubt creep into my mind or feel fear in my heart, at some point soon after I receive a message (through song, a sermon, a passage, anything) that brings me back to trust in His plan.
And there are some funny things I’ve noticed along the way that I don’t believe are any coincidence. First, the two things in life I said I would never do are social work and being a missionary…..Now I am both and couldn’t imagine doing anything else. Second, my journey on God’s path started with hearing my calling to social work at Hillsong after hearing the founder of the Dream Center‘s message…..Well, my spiritual anthem is Oceans by Hillsong, and for our end of the year social work class trip, we are going to LA to visit the Dream Center. *Insert chills* The Lord has literally brought everything full circle for me, and I couldn’t feel safer, happier, or more content than walking on God’s path.
