“So how was training camp?!” has been the most-asked question since I’ve returned home. It was the first thing my parents asked me when they picked me up from the airport, and has typically been everyone else’s first question when seeing me for the first time since returning home.
It’s been a week, and by now I figured I would have my well thought-out but epic response ready to give out at any moment, but no. The first thing I said to my parents was that I didn’t even know where to start, and I’d probably need about three days to fully process everything. I mean, where do I begin?! Training camp was the hardest but the best 10 days of my life. Too many thoughts and memories are jumbled in my head–I experienced so much growth, depth, and encouragement that it’s hard to find just the right equation of words to bring my experience the justice I feel it deserves. So, to make it a bit simpler on myself, and my readers, I will try to break down some of my biggest take-a-ways.
1. Let God romance you. Training camp was a sacred time between me and God. I learned how much I needed the Lord to romance me. God takes on many forms for His children, typically as a father figure. I usually view Him as my father, but for the first time I heard Him call me His beloved. His daughter, but His bride. I saw His romance in various ways: I felt Him hold me during worship; I heard His voice during messages; I saw His presence in the images of my squadmates.
2. Let go and let God. I am a self-proclaimed control freak. On Myers-Briggs, I am a J, which means I like structure, order, and schedules. During camp, I had to learn to not only let go of a set schedule but also to let go of my plans. I did my best to go into camp with no expectations, but it was difficult to let old habits go. I was anxious over who I would bond with, who would end up on my team, who I would become, etc. I fortunately did learn to hand things over to my Father, but it was tough…but looking back through my journals I laugh. I laugh because He was answering my prayers daily, if not moment by moment. In some notes I asked for a companion, someone to bond with during this tasking journey. At first I didn’t think He was hearing me and felt alone, but then I opened my eyes and realized He was opening some doors for me, just not in someone I expected. Another day I was wondering who my teammates would be, and again, the Lord provided. I even noticed that each session’s message would answer a question/thought/prayer I had had earlier that day….CRAZY! God is so good, and He does hear you. You might be the one not fully listening.
3. Be present. I learned how important it is to be present. Focusing too much on what you’re leaving behind, or what you possibly have to look forward to, makes you miss what you’re currently doing. You miss the important lessons, the fun memories, the needs of others. I had my phone turned off for almost the entirety of camp and I don’t regret it for one minute; in fact, I don’t think my camp would have produced as much fruit if my phone had been on. However, being present isn’t always as simple as turning off a device. Since being home, I’ve struggled with being present with my loved ones. I was at the airport waiting to come home, and I was texting one of my best friends about how sad I was to come back. Her response was so loving and encouraging, but she gave me the best reminder on being carrying the presence I learned at camp over to my life at home. So although I’m ecstatic about my upcoming journey and ministering with my World Race family, I’m aware of not missing out on the time I have left with my home family.
4. The Holy Spirit is inside me. I feel the difference. I’m sure most of you are aware of that adrenaline-filled “on fire for Jesus” feeling you experience after a missions trip or powerful sermon, right? I’ve felt that a few times too, but this is different. I notice that I feel more beautiful, more confident, more aware of who I am. Pretty much everyone I have come into contact with since returning home has told me I’m radiant, glowing, beaming, etc. and that I just seem so at peace. And my answer is that it’s gotta be the Holy Spirit coming out because I sure didn’t do anything. WHAT A COOL FEELING! 🙂 It’s a calming presence; it’s a confidence booster. When I get ready in the morning, I don’t feel the need to fuss over as much makeup or do my hair a certain way. I like how I am naturally, and if you know some of my personal struggles, you know that is huge for me. I sing worship so loud I feel like I’m screaming it, I lift my hands as high as they can reach, and I cheer on the Spirit while others pray aloud. I’ve never felt so alive and so at peace simultaneously. I actually talk out loud to God in the car because He is so real! Freedom is awe-inspiring, folks.
5. Stop comparing!!! Enough said. I never noticed how often people compare. We compare looks, characteristics, thoughts, ideas, bodies, words, the way we pray, even the way we hear God. I thought something was wrong with me because I didn’t get images from God through prayer, but a few days later I realized I hear God through song or an actual tingly feeling. Everyone is different, but everyone continues to compare, even men. We are made in God’s image and by putting ourselves down we are putting God down….and I don’t think any of us want to do that. So don’t do it 🙂
6. My identity comes from the Lord. I am still discovering my identity and that’s okay. However, I have learned that my identity comes from God and Him alone. I’ve been going through this process for about a year now, and it has been the most freeing experience. With the Holy Spirit inside me, I don’t really care what people think of me….For instance, I was driving and some driver was in quite a hurry and felt it was necessary to run right up behind me, tailgate me, and honk angrily. Usually I would’ve felt flustered and nervous even if I wasn’t in the wrong, but this time I didn’t care! This might seem trivial but it’s big for me! He even pulled up next to me afterwards and I didn’t give two cents. I waved it off and was so proud that I didn’t care. I didn’t care because my worth isn’t from that driver’s perception of me, but of my Father’s perception of me…and to Him I am perfect. I am more than my past mistakes. I am not filled with shame. I am the woman God created me to be, and I see myself becoming her more and more every day.
7. Community is beautiful. God blessed me with the most amazing 27 family members. There was something so raw and beautiful about being natural for 10 days with complete strangers. I was able to make relationships at my bare minimum–no makeup, messy hair, repeated outfits, sweating–and I wasn’t self-conscious. That was definitely not my doing, but the Lord’s, and I can’t even begin to explain how cool that is. We loved each other, cried for one another, pushed one another to step out, and praised our Father. I was so nervous the first day…I probably could’ve cried I was so nervous, but holy cow did the Lord provide!
8. I am a child of God. The funny thing is….I called my mom for the first time on the last day and she said my voice sounded younger. At the moment, I thought it was the weirdest comment, but the next day I met with my cousin and she said the same thing! I didn’t think much of it, but then Sunday morning came around. The message was about having a child-like faith and it all clicked. I sounded younger because I had come to live in the presence of my Father; I had stepped into my role as a daughter of God. Children were so loved and important to Christ–We are even called His children! He is our Father and wants to raise, teach, discipline, guide, and love us. As a child, I learned to remain hopeful and trust my Father; I learned to be humble and vulnerable. I learned ask questions and have a teachable spirit; I learned I was created for a specific reason, cared for with loving passion, and called to a great mission.
Training camp was just a small tidbit of what I will be experiencing, learning, and growing in as I go on my World Race journey. I can’t even begin to imagine the transformation come 12 months from now, but boy, I can’t wait. Thank you to all who have supported, prayed, and loved on me! Please continue to keep me and my squad in your prayers as we jet off in six short weeks!
