It’s already been a week into month 7 and I can’t believe it. I feel like I literally blinked and–boom!–the race has picked up its pace. I’m officially passed the halfway mark, have more days behind me than ahead, but it also means I’ve passed the honeymoon phase. The race is no longer a joyride or adventure, but it is now my life–my normal, day-to-day life.
I never thought I would hit this point. I’m such a sentimental person I figured the dreaminess of the race would never leave me. But it has.
The halfway point was also a turning point–That’s when I noticed the shift. And I’m not alone. More and more of my friends here are feeling that same change. It might not seem like a big deal to those of you who haven’t experienced the race and all it entails, but it is our reality and helps us keep going. Living in a bubble that is intense, new, and hitting you from all levels spiritually, physically, and emotionally…..the adventure and excitement is what helps get you through a lot of your days.
Now we struggle to find the joy in our every day lives. We miss our families, comfortability, consistency, our clothes, you name it. We can feel drained from pouring out to our ministries and teammates. Some of us are beginning to worry about the future/what will happen when this is all over and we lose interest in pursuing what the present has to offer. There are days I don’t enjoy the race; I don’t experience joy as effortlessly as I did 7, 5, or even 2 months ago.
But I’m not going to let that stop me from seeking it.
Entering Thailand, I wanted to soak up every moment this month could offer me. I’ve been wanting to visit Thailand most of my life and couldn’t believe my dream was becoming reality. I remember thinking, “Nothing will take away from my happiness this month!” but things happened.
It seemed all at once all of my closest friends felt their worlds crumbling around them and I could do nothing to help. Some squad changes occurred, my friends were hurting, I was hurting, and I could physically see the people around me changing as a result.
I felt my joy leave and couldn’t believe how easily I had let it slip away. And immediately I heard God tell me, “Pray, daughter. Come to me now.”
I was angry. I prayed–I didn’t want to–but I prayed for something to work forward to. I wanted something to hold onto for myself and for those around me. In my prayer, I asked for a word for the month and all I could hear was “Joy.“
I didn’t feel joy, and I honestly didn’t want to seek it. Sometimes it’s just easier to pout and let yourself sit in your crap until you decide to end the pity party, but God told me no. Even the coffee shop I live under at our ministry site is named ‘A Cup of Joy’ and that is no coincidence.
God is so good that He even changed my heart to make me shift into wanting to seek joy. I knew it would be a challenge some days, and maybe it would have to come from the littlest of things, but joy had to be held on to. God brought every single one of us here for a reason, and He’s not going to let us go just because we get grumpy or don’t feel like giving our love. He knows the race is hard and He knows what it’s doing to us, but we have the gift of knowing He’s right here too.
So no, I don’t always want to seek joy, but yes, I will do it and will not let it go. How blessed am I that I get to say this true adventure is now my day-to-day life?! How amazing that I get to go through all these changes and moments with such incredible people?! How cool is God that He loves me enough to dream bigger than I do?!
There’s a lot to be joyful over and I plan to pursue it.
