It’s my last few days here in Japan and it doesn’t seem possible for three weeks to fly by as quickly as they have. This has been a challenging month emotionally and spiritually, but I already see the fruit coming from these experiences. Coming into this month, to be honest, I wasn’t that excited. Japan was one of the countries that I was glad to see, but didn’t think it would be an impactful month. Well, the Lord kicked my butt and I was so wrong.
But this time, I didn’t see spirits. I didn’t have conflict. I didn’t have anything horrible or “hard” happen at all. Instead, I got to love some of the most wonderful boys in the world–and in the most unexpected place.
This month each team was split up into pairs and each pair got to live in a Japanese home with a Japanese family. When I first heard this I was so excited. I knew it would be such an authentic way to observe and understand the culture, but I didn’t think any relationships would come from it. In fact–I came into this month with the strategy of not getting close to anyone because I knew the goodbye would be too hard.
You see, He has given me the unwavering and overwhelming gift of love. I love people so much that I don’t know what to do with my love sometimes. For instance, at Thanksgiving dinner, I literally said I was thankful for love, and my whole squad cracked up because they knew how serious I was. I’m “SB, the marshmallow of love” but sometimes I wish I could turn that off because letting go or saying goodbye to things you love is just too difficult. So I didn’t want to love so hard anymore and wanted to be more selective about where I channeled my energy. I was going to use Japan as a practice month for not connecting to so many people.
Yet God is much bigger than me and loves proving me wrong. And of course….I fell in love with my homestay family, especially my new little brothers.
I’ve been a daughter for 23 wonderful years and knew I would miss having my parents around, but I honestly didn’t realize how much I missed having maternal and paternal figures around me. More so, I’ve been a big sister for 18 marvelous years, and I’ve been missing that role more than I ever thought. And in spite of my stubbornness and lack of insight, my heavenly Father knew just what I needed and gave me the biggest blessing.
Who knew some of the simplest things in life could have the biggest impact? It was so nice to wake up to homemade oatmeal and bread every morning; to have warm beds to snuggle into to; to hear your family’s footsteps around you so you knew someone was home; to have a clean shower with multiple shampoo and soap bottles; to come home to smiling faces and loving hugs every evening.
These boys know I love them, and I know they love me. But I don’t think they can ever understand how much I have grown to love them and how much they have impacted me–despite me trying to prevent all of this.
As corny as it is, I have heard many times the past couple weeks that it is better to love than to not at all, and I’ve never believed that more. Although the goodbyes will be painful, I will be leaving here with new family members and so many memories–instead of leaving with regret and emptiness.
To my homestay parents: Thank you for welcoming me and my team into your lives. Thank you for introducing me to my new favorite breakfast, for gel manicures, for encouraging spiritual growth, and for having such passion for the Lord. And thank you for letting us love your boys. You are such kind people and I thank God for getting to stay in your home and to be around your loving family.
To my little brothers: I love you sooo much. Thank you for loving me, thinking I’m cool, and joking around with me. Thank you for breaking the walls around my heart. Thank you for wanting to stay in my life even after I leave and not making me feel like I’m someone you will temporarily love. I will miss our laughs and jokes, our hugs in the mornings and evenings, and all the questions you ask me. Thank you for making Japan incredible and turning a country I could not have cared less about into one of my favorite times to look back on. This is definitely not goodbye, but just a “see you later.”
