Dear Me,
“Stop. Stop and breathe. Take a deep breath and feel your emotions, Shelby.”
You’ve had to tell yourself this repeatedly over the last month since training camp. You don’t know whether to be excited, scared, sad, prepared….you don’t know what to feel in general. Sometimes it’s okay to stop worrying about others and figure out what you need. And you’re probably saying, “I don’t know what I need” and that’s okay too. You’ve got everything you need–a omnipresent Father, a supportive family, a loving group of friends, and an amazing squad. You’re split on feeling excited to see your squad mates again, but sad to leave your loved ones from home. This trip is kind of a big mystery so you have no clue what to be nervous for, when you’ll hit your low, or what will be the highlight–But that’s God preparing you. This is the ultimate test of putting your faith in God’s hands. You’re leaving home to let God show you who you are in Him, instead of you figuring it out for yourself.
Over the next 11 months, I want you to let go. I’m so proud of you for working on this already, but you’ve still got a ways to go. I know you don’t have any expectations for this trip, and to be honest, that terrifies you. You hate uncertainty. But guess what? You are not alone. Ever. And every time you propose a plan, God disposes of it….and you’ve never been happier. Let God prepare your heart. Trust that when you face the hardship, pain, and suffering of others (and even yourself) that He will take care of you. He has perfectly constructed your squad and your team to be at your side and has given you the best support system back at home.
Also, I know you’re scared of letting go of things here at home. Do it. Don’t keep one foot here and one foot in Asia. You need to plant both feet in your new reality. STAY PRESENT and stop worrying! God’s got you. Sure, you feel as if you’re free falling, but gosh, it’s so liberating! You literally get to just fall into God’s arms and let Him help you down. Your whole life has prepared you for this, and this is just the next stepping stone for what’s to come.
My prayer is you find peace and confidence in who you are. Your entire life you’ve struggled with how other perceive you and never seem to see why everyone loves you for you. I pray God opens your eyes to what you have to offer this world and that you cherish that!!!
You are God’s beloved. Let Him love you; let Him romance you. You’ve had your heartbroken, let down, and hurt….Let that go! Those experience do not define you and you are so much more than that!
I hope you see things that shake you and make you ask questions. I hope you see things that give you no choice but to turn to God. I hope you learn to abandon habits, comforts, whatever it may be in order to create space for God.
Let Him in, Shelby. He’s already working, but can you imagine who you will be or how you will feel when you return home?! You’re already making changes and it’s beautiful! Keep it up and truly trust that life will be so much richer if you let the Lord handle it. I love you, and God loves you. See future you in 11 months 🙂
