After leaving Thailand, team HITS was shipped off to Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia. I knew that I was headed to an orphanage, but I didn’t quite know what to expect. I opened the gate to the orphanage and I was immediately greeted with the biggest smiles and hugs!
I live in an orphanage with 19 children. There is a girls home, and right across the street there is a boys home, where the men of HITS are living. My living situation is not ideal. I sleep on the floor of the living room, and I have nowhere to put my huge backpack with 9 months of my life in it. Same for the other three girls on my team, so you can imagine the mess of the living room sometimes. I wake up every morning at 6:45 AM on the dot to 10 sets of little brown beady eyes staring at me and waiting for me to wake up. I go to sleep at midnight almost every night to the same eyes staring at me waiting for me to fall asleep. Who wouldn’t love that am I right? Although it may not be ideal, I would not trade it. I wouldn’t trade it for a full nights rest, or even a tempurpedic mattress. I wouldn’t even trade it for one of my daddy’s steaks right now. I love these kids so much. If I could take them all home with me right now I seriously would. I can be a mom to a 16 year old at 19 can’t I? These kids have given me so much. Their child like faith has rubbed off on me. There innocence and there curiosity for the Lord is something I admire in them so much. They love team HITS so effortlessly. The day we leave(March 1st) is going to be such a tough day of goodbyes.
I have really been struggling my last week here. The World Race is not all adventure explore time, constantly fun, or buddy buddy with Jesus. It can get messy. I knew it was only a matter of time before it got messy for me. I am struggling here at the orphanage. I am tired; spiritually, physically, and emotionally. I feel like I am constantly pouring out and I don’t have enough being poured into me. That will drain you SO fast. It’s tiring. I don’t get enough rest here, we are constantly on the go, spending time with the kids from sun up to waaaayyy past sun down. But I still don’t want to trade it! I have been worried about home lately too. I am homesick. I am over the race right now. I am just being real, I’m not going to sugar coat it. I want to go home. I want to see my mama and daddy and my brothers and my dog. I miss my Nay Nay and my friends and boy oh boy do I miss the girls that I nanny, but I am going to keep going. I know that God would not put me in a position where He couldn’t grow me and help me prosper. I know that He is not going to put too much on my plate that I cannot handle. He has me here for a reason and I am not going to abandon that.
My team is the absolute best. I have 6 days left here and 6 teammates. Each teammate is writing me a letter. I get to open one letter everyday from one of them. Inside the letter are encouraging words and scripture and funny memories that I share with my teammates. God has surrounded me with more goodness and love than I could have ever imagined for.
It is hard. It is sticky. It is not fun, but I know God is not finished with me yet. As long as I am still breathing, He is still working on me and He is still using me to expand His kingdom. So I am surrendering to Him these last few months of my trip. I am giving Him my burdens knowing that He is going to carry me out of this.
