lolo died today.
when i think about my grandpa i am constantly reminded of my favorite word:
alacrity.
it means “brisk and cheerful readiness”
that was him,
always eager to lend a helping hand,
doing all he did with contagious enthusiasm.
my grandpa was a man of joy, a man of strength, a man who truly encompassed what it meant to have a willing spirit.
sure, he had his flaws.
he was human.
but when i think of Him i don’t think about that.
i think about how he would lovingly make me more food when my bratty five year old self demanded more ramen. i think about how he would gladly sacrifice hours of his day to pick me up from school. i think about how he would fervently work at whatever task he was presented with. i think about how he would always place others before himself. i think about how he would genuinely care for those around him. i think about how when he was first diagnosed with cancer the first thing he said when my dad called him was “joe! how’s the business going?” for my grandpa it was never about himself. he is probably the most optimistic and cheerful people God has ever gave me the honor of doing life with.
he believed in Christ but didn’t live for him most of his life, and i can only pray and hope that he did accept Christ as His Lord and Savior before he passed.
honestly processing through these emotions are hard. watching my mom cry on facetime and not be able to comfort her is hard. but through all this “hardness” i cling to God’s love knowing full well that He is walking through this hardness with me. i’ve never experienced the loss of someone close to me before but i have experienced God’s faithfulness, grace, and peace. the sadness and pain is so so real and all i can do is lay it down at the foot of the cross and sit in my Papa’s Throne Room as He provides the comfort He knows i need.
i pray that the emotions i feel now fuel me with a greater passion to love people harder with the kindness of Christ. i pray that because of this experience my heart can break even more for those whose heart’s are also breaking in this same way. i pray that God use this for His glory, and i have full faith He will.
