answered prayers suck

 

…not because God isn’t good, sovereign, & perfect in every way, shape, & form, but because sometimes i don’t like the answer. 

 

i don’t like laying all i am and all i have at the altar because dying completely to my flesh like that is hard- really, really hard. i don’t like giving up relationships, comfort, and time for the sake of following Christ because during this season that often means surrendering what i value most. 

 

bottom line? it sucks to wake up every morning and pick up my cross.

 

it sucks because it sometimes means sacrificing the what, where, and who i love for more of the what, where, and who He has planned. it sucks because as a natural born pro-sinner, i don’t want to give up the good that seemingly fills every aspect and second of my life it sucks because picking up my cross means letting go when i don’t have sight of what i’m grabbing onto next. 

 

…but that’s exactly why i grab onto Him.

 

i grab onto the cross because doing so  sucks. 

 

sound confusing? good. it’s supposed to. God’s love and provision is confusing, He and all He is is so beyond our comprehension that following Him isn’t supposed to make sense.

 

& that’s what i’m clinging to. 

 

i’m learning to embrace the “suck-iness” because that’s what sanctification is. 

 

becoming more like Christ is a sucky process because no one wants to die to themselves. i don’t know about you, but i haven’t met anyone who wakes up in the morning and says “i am just so excited to skip hanging out with my friends today so i can spend more time with Jesus!” & in the same way i have yet to meet someone who jumps for joy at the thought of waking up two hours early on a weekend morning to serve at church. i know doing all of those things are capable of bringing joy and growth in the Lord, but on a real level, making those sacrifices suck, especially when my finite human brain fails to see the good that God can do in those moments of obedience when i have to give up something that i would rather be doing to fill myself with more of Him. yes, becoming more like Christ and dying to ourselves is a sucky process, but God does things to help us see why it’s more than just that.

 

a perfect example of the joy that can be found even in the midst a sucky situation brought about by an answered prayer was when i sent my cracked phone in to be fixed and ended up getting a new phone. that didn’t really bother me that much until i realized i hadn’t backed up my icloud account at all- meaning all of my pictures and other memories stored on my icloud account were gone…f o r e v e r. the funny thing is that during that time, i prayed for God to not let me idolize the past and for Him to help me live more fully in the moment in preparation for the next. and i can say with a hundred percent confidence that God definitely heard my prayer, He just happened to answer it in a way that i wasn’t expecting. but even though that situation sucked in every way possible, i can look past that superficial layer of “suckiness” and find so much joy and peace knowing that God was in control and still is. i scroll through my now much emptier camera roll and smile knowing that this happened only because i am under construction and sometimes God has to break you until He can make you into something even more beautiful that shines even brighter.

 

so this in this season, this is the truth i am constantly reminding myself of: yes, answered prayers can suck, but there is so much sweetness to be found in the midst of that. when i strive to focus and give my attention, time, and devotion to Him instead of myself, suddenly i’m not living for me anymore, i’m living for the One who gave me life in the first place. yes, it sucks to surrender all i am and all i have at the altar, but in that moment i have to remember that all i am and all i have is from Him, and He has every right to take away anything and everything because He is the One who gave it to me in the first place. i’m striving to stay still in the promise that the doors that He has opened no man can shut and the doors He has shut no man can open because that promise screams of His complete and kind sovereignty.

 

so yes, answered prayers can suck. but i wouldn’t have it any other way.

 

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