Well, I wouldn’t so much call it a distinct call, like an elk, but more like the soft whisper of a rabbit.
Ok, just kidding. Sort of. It’s been more of a process for me. Unbeknownst to myself God has been working and preparing me for this for a while. I tend to second guess my spiritual intuitions but when I look back even just a month ago, I can’t deny God’s presence and direction in this journey.
When I was younger I was always intrigued by missionaries who traveled to other countries but prayed it would never be me who was called. I didn’t want to have to go live out my life in a treehouse in the snake-filled, dangerous jungle somewhere. (The treehouse part wouldn’t have been bad though, I’d still like to do that.) In the past few months and years though, God has been changing my heart.
As I hit my late teens and then 20, I entered an early-life crisis. I felt like I was in stalemate. My life was moving along, I was getting older but nothing big was changing or happening. I felt like I was waiting for some great purpose to drop out of the sky. I prayed for God to show me what to do. Prayed and waited. And waited. And waited. I got frustrated with God, all I wanted to do was follow His will. Why couldn’t He reveal that to me right away?
God doesn’t follow our timelines, if you were wondering, He’s got a better one. In the middle of this waiting, I started changing. I became more open minded about things- the direction I wanted my life to take, the meaning of worship, the definition of the church, the abandoning of the American Dream, even country music (!?). My hunger for God to show up started increasing. My awareness of tragedies & social injustices going on around the world grew along with my outrage of the blind eye our culture has turned to it and the acceptance of doing nothing about it. I couldn’t take it anymore. I always feel that words and feelings must be backed up by action so I couldn’t just stand back and do nothing.
I thought a missions trip would be a good start and I’d never been on one so I started googling. The googling got more intense in the past 6 months or so. Nothing was fitting. I clicked over AIM and the World Race once but it didn’t hit me and I just kept going. Was there really so few legit looking missions sites? Then, mid-May, I clicked on AIM again and the World Race. It hit me this time. As I read over the description of the trip and ministry, I just felt God saying “This is it!” I was ecstatic! I immediately gave myself til the end of June to make a decision. Knowing my tendency to waffle back and forth til nothing gets done, I wanted to give myself time to pray about it and then have a deadline for action. In the next couple of days I told my family what I had found. I was worried about them. We are so close and I just know they wouldn’t see me traipsing around third world countries for a year as a good thing. Definitely not a safe thing anyway. I wasn’t sure I could do it if they didn’t approve but God showed me up on that one. They all encouraged me! I wanted to jump the gun right away and apply but I figured that it usually works out that people have timelines for a reason so I stuck with it. I got confirmation everywhere that this was what I should do but I still waited for July 1 to apply, not really knowing why. Then it hit me on how much I changed in just that month. My devotional and prayer life greatly increased. I started to really look forward to my time with God and reading the Bible. Things I’d read all my life were suddenly fresh and new. That has continued to this day and I know that it will only increase.
I know this trip isn’t my only calling and I can just check out after that. I don’t know what my life will look like after the race or what my involvement in missions will be. I just know what God has placed on my heart and I’m just content to follow Him in this next step He’s called me too. I know that I’m here on this crazy, exciting ride for His purpose so I better just hold on tight.
