Well today is different. I’ve had some interesting thoughts that have went through my mind, that led me to write this blog. Y’all know I hate writing blogs and I definitely prefer to do a video but this time I just wanted to write things out for you. Some thing I shared with my team was that I don’t feel like I fit in. Not necessarily for anything that they have done personally to me but I am different. So every since I applied to go on the world race I knew that there would be some things that would be hard and challenging but I’ve vowed to not let it affect my decision on continuing with what God has called me to do. Something I asked my prayer family to do for me was to pray that diversity doesn’t Become a distraction. So for me I have allowed it to become a distraction and that’s just me being completely honest but in the distraction there was clarity. So it was our first night sleeping at our house house I was laying down and I just could not fall asleep. At this time it’s about 3:40 in the morning and I’m just sitting there staring at the ceiling. So I reach out to my sister and just tell her that I was in a becoming an emotional wreck and I just didn’t know why I was so emotional but I was. Of course she encouraged me to take things day by day and to just relax and accept the things that are happening and know that I am loved and chosen. Of course all the things your supposed to say to your little sister LOL. For some reason it wasn’t enough And I still continue to weep as I laid there. Then I decided to reach out to my pastor and just allow him to speak life into me and also just let them know that I made it safely to my first country and just ask for guidance. He asked me to read James and it’s a book that I’ve read before but it didn’t hit me until that moment. That literally the word says When we are weak he is strong, when we are doubtful, when we are hurting, when there is fears, that the Lord is always there! It’s about having courage and having faith through all adversity. So just reading the word and allowing it to enter into my heart was hard but it also gave me peace. Not saying that all of my feelings had just completely went away just because I had read the word but what it did do was give me a peace of mind to be able to sleep. Even though it was only about three hours in total LOL! So yesterday when I woke up I was fine but then the enemy started to creep in again and just mess with my mind. So at this point I’ve started to distant myself from my team. Now they know that I’ve dealt with mental health issues and things of that sort but they’ve never seen me in this position. So I just allowed myself to be, I listened to worship until I fell asleep not much of conversation with anyone because it’s what I needed. In those times of darkness with me the only person that can help is Christ, all I could do is just worship in anyway that I can to allow him to pull me out. When I woke up this morning I still had that feeling of unsettled mess in my heart so I continued to just worship all morning because that’s what helps. But God is just so intentional with what he does and how he speaks to me and it’s such a personal and intimate relationship and I’m so glad to have that because it’s so new and refreshing. So this morning we go to Starbucks to get out and have team time and to get some Wi-Fi so we could get some things done. So of course I go and order a coffee and the guy asked me what my name was, I gave him my name and when I got my cup what he had wrote on it was nothing but God reminding me who I am in him. The name that he put with ”SHINE”!! Y’all just don’t understand how much I hear that I’m a light to so many people and that I need to continue to be that light around the world. However for a stranger who doesn’t know me and doesn’t even speak English to call me a light is such a beautiful thing! All I could do in this moment it’s just sob and Just worship and allow God to just do his thing in my heart. So to the gentleman at Starbucks who thought he was just simply taking my order thank you for reminding me who I am in Christ that I am alive and to continue to shine in every country that I step foot in, with every person I come in contact with, for every non believer who doesn’t know Christ, for the loss soul who feels alone.
I WILL BE YOUR LIGHT!
