It was one of our fist nights in India. After a long & bumpy ride, we arrived at the humble home of a Pastor. We spent time worshipping, enjoyed delicious chai tea, and then began to pray. First for the pastor and his wife. Then for his sister and brother. Followed by nieces and nephews. After each person I took a sigh of relief as in “okay, what’s next?” Then, I looked out the door and saw a line formed around the corner. Mothers, Fathers, and children of all ages. Immediately I realized I had asked the wrong question. Instead it should have been “who is next?”
Over the course of an hour I have no idea how many people we prayed over. As each person came, their prayer requests were translated for us. The needs were endless:
- Financial provision
- Healing for illnesses (heart problems, sight, sickness)
- The future of children
- Marriages to be reconciled
Sounds incredible, right? Well, I didn’t quite see it that way at first. Here’s why.
Lately, I’ve been in a place of desperately wanting to see God do something “big.” You know, restore someone’s legs or deliver someone from demonic possession, stuff like that. Things I know He can do and still does. So, every time we go out I think “maybe this will be the time God really shows up.” In short, I’ve been acting and praying out of my own agenda instead of submitting and trusting God’s ways. Recently, my heart has been in a place that goes something like this:
“God, I want to see something big.” I pray for what I want to see & hope for that
“Oh, that’s not happening?” “Why is that not happening?!”
“Whatever”
In the end, I end up hopeless and disappointed that God isn’t doing what I want him to do when I want him to do it. I’ve learned that I quickly become hopeless when my hope is placed on my agenda instead of agreeing with what God wants.
In the midst of this mental battle, I wasn’t able to pray. Later, it broke my heart to know that I was so caught up in my own agenda that I was unable to be used by God. My heart was in a selfish place. A prideful place. In other words, a place that is of no worth to God. Jesus desires to use us all, but for the good of others and for His glory. I am learning the hard way that He is not moved by prayers steeped in selfish ambition or on preconceived notions of how He should respond.
Being someone who has always strongly believed in the power of prayer and am usually excited for every opportunity I get to pray for someone, I admit that for the past few weeks I was deceived. I chose to believe the lie that only certain acts of God counted as important or significant and that I wasn’t really being used by him if I was not a part of those things. The truth is that Jesus & the apostles both proclaimed and demonstrated the kingdom of God through preaching the Gospel, healing the sick, and casting out demons. These same manifestations of the Holy Spirit are expected and available to Jesus’ disciples today. I’ve learned it’s not wrong in itself to desire to be used in those ways. But the heart behind it, as in all things, is of utmost importance to God.
Later that evening when I stopped being mad at God for not doing what I wanted, I realized that my prayer was answered. In fact, I had just taken part of a major miracle. I am currently in a nation where there aren’t many Christians. I am in a part of India where there is the least amount of Christians and the highest amount of persecution towards the church. In short, we are not wanted here. We have to be very careful not to reveal ourselves as missionaries. We are seen as the enemy. As people who have come to corrupt this nation. As both westerners and Christians we are seen as nothing more than a problem. And yet…
Over and over again, everywhere we go, people are lining up for prayer. Regardless of what the government or the masses say, the hearts of the people see Jesus as the solution and are willing to risk everything to get a piece of Him. Even prayer from “the enemy”. What a miracle it has been! To pray over women, men, and children. To bless them in the name of Jesus. What an incredible gift and a very significant way to be used by God.
The Lord hears our prayers when they are aligned with His will and come from a heart of faith. To be His ambassador here is mind blowing. To see firsthand the hope that comes from our prayers is a blessing. And I don’t know any other way I would want to be used than to know that every time I pray His love comes down and His hope flows through the hearts of those we touch. His provision, healing, reconciliation, and plans for a future all come pouring down as we pray.
Later that night we were told that Pastor’s house is on land owned by the government. Recently the government decided to tear down all of those homes to build some sort of business building. So, similar to gentrification in the U.S., all of the people there are going to be displaced, homeless. Many of them being people that we prayed for. As I reflect on this night, I can’t help but chuckle at how immature I acted. Tears well up as I think about how ugly and foolish my heart was. To turn away from Jesus or act out in anger because I didn’t get my way is ridiculous. I know that God is so good and sovereign. I also know that His ways and thoughts are much higher than mine. I am grateful for that and so thankful to have learned such a lesson now.
Please be in prayer for Pastor, his family, and those in that community. I have chosen not share his name for the safety of His family and congregation. But, the Lord knows His nameJ Thank you!
