***To have proper context, please read part 1 first**
Though this is looooong overdue, I still want to continue my story of training camp and clarify for a lot of people why my discomfort was actually a GOOD thing and I appreciated the experience. So here goes:
As previously mentioned, training camp was a time for me to be spiritually, emotionally, mentally, and relationally prepared for the race and it involved a lot of meeting new people, opening up about myself, being vulnerable, putting myself out there, and thinking of these new people as my family.
WHY was it hard for me? I'm going to give you 2 "areas of improvement" that God has been calling me out on and tell you how being uncomfortable at training camp helped me grow in them.
1. I'm rather insecure with myself. I don't like meeting new people because I'm afraid of what they'll think of me, if they'll like me, and if they'll like me enough to become my friend.
In new group settings, I've always been the quiet person who listens rather than talks and would prefer to be around a few people rather than large groups. I tend to compare myself to others too much and always wind up feeling inadequate in some area.
Training camp challenged me on this when I had 50+ new people to get to know and appreciate. I had to push myself to walk up to someone and give my 10 second spiel. I had to get up and dance even when I just wanted to sit down. I had to jump in conversations even when I would've liked to just sit and listen. I was uncomfortable putting myself out there but I enjoyed meeting everyone and was privileged to get to know them and be around them. They are so awesome and I only learned that by pushing through my insecurity.
My U Squad. These are the 47 other people I'll be going on my adventure with. They are AWESOME!
U Squad representing during a random dance party.
2. I've recently started to realize that my family loves each other but we don't show it well. I've never really lived in community and I don't know how to show love on a consistent basis in a healthy way. I have a hard time giving hugs, saying encouraging words, sharing my successes and failures, and relying on other people for support. I've become independent and kind of isolated.
Training camp challenged me to open up and start thinking of U Squad as my family too. I admit, it's really hard for me because I'm not like that with my actual family, but I want to know what it's like. I want to live in community–so I pushed myself. I forced myself to share about my struggles and hurts. I made myself be unselfish and ask about and pray for others. I learned to rely on others to help me be better and call me out on my mess. It was definitely hard for me, but I enjoyed the rewards of having 47 people who care about you and love you openly. I not only want more of that, but I'm willing to face more discomfort so that it can become part of who I am.
Team Throne Unveiled. These are the 5 people that I will live, serve, and do life with. They will love me, challenge me, and call me into greatness. I'm so thankful for how God will use us!
I was uncomfortable doing these things but I also liked it. I could smile at training camp because though my selfish side was uncomfortable, my Spirit man was loving the growth. Everything and everyone at training camp was for my good and the fact that I pushed through my discomfort means that I'm on my way. I can talk to people, put myself out there, and learn to love others because though I don't like the process, I want the results. I want to get to know people. I want to love people. I want them to know and challenge me. So Lord, bring on the discomfort because where there's a challenge to comfort, there's opportunity for growth!
How much discomfort do you think 11 months will bring? I don't know for sure, but I'm excited for it!
