I think sometimes it would be easier to take the gospel if I wasn’t a Christian. I mean, I am thankful. I am speechless. I would understand I have done all this crap to myself and to other people. I have been so selfish in my motives. I hate and I judge as if I am perfect and I act on that hate and judgment with words of slander and ignoring people's needs.
Today, I went to church. I saw some friends that are not as close as I wish they were. They told me they got my support letter and they will send me some money soon. My automatic response was to say, “aw, no that’s cool, I’ve got it” as if they were wanting to buy my dinner (which technically I guess they kinda are). The thing is I don't have it. I don't have any money to go and I am in need of it.
I slowly said thank you. Not that I wasn’t thankful, I’m just stunned. They are so quick to give. They got my letter yesterday and wanted to give today.
THIS IS THE GOSPEL!
I don’t deserve anyone’s money. The love of my friends make them so willing to give, not the things I have done.It’s hard on my pride to not deserve what I am getting. How humbling is their love! How humbling is our God!!!!
I am His. Why? He wants me. Why?! The only reason God chose me to be His is because He chose me to be His. The only reason God loves me is because He loves me. I have done nothing yet I am blessed.
Sometimes it would be easier to hear God say, you are a sinner. Get away from me. I understand that. I have actually earned that. But for Him to say, you are mine. For him to say neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate you from my love. [Romans 8:38-39]
That is beautiful. That is what brings me to my knees today.
