I’ve been accepted to the World Race for over a year now. To be completely honest with you, I was overly excited about it for the first 10 months and then all of a sudden doubts, fears, and insecurities began to sink in and take over what I thought was my calling for my life. I began to doubt my calling, fear the unknown, and believe the lie that I am unqualified for this. A sweet friend of mine, Katie, wrote a blog (http://katierhodes.theworldrace.org/post/in-three-days-being-called-higher) right after training camp and this quote stuck out to me:
“All that time, while I thought I was questioning who I am,
I was actually questioning who God is.”
That hit me hard. I was not actively seeking the Truth about who He says I am and allowing Him to work through me, rather, I was unknowingly questioning His character. My whole life I have believed that God is good, has my best interest in mind, and is ultimately molding my heart so that I could experience more of Him- so why was I questioning that all of a sudden? Because He had given me something that I can’t do by myself and that scared me. That is why all the doubts, fears, and insecurities were seeping in- I was trying to do this myself. Letting Him take the reigns of my heart and surrendering all control to Him is a process for me but I am already seeing the fruit that will come of it. Lord, thank you for softening my heart and opening my eyes.
He has called me higher. He has my life laid out and planned perfectly according to His will. He is the Truth and sets me free from the lies I believe is those fears. I can’t do this alone. I have to daily choose to trust the Lord and believe His Word above any of these earthly things.
So now, as I sit on the roof of our ministry/host site, I am constantly reminding myself to rest and be still in knowing that this is all His doing. I know He is fighting for me (Exodus 14:14) to know and believe His truths among all of the lies the enemy has put in me. I simply would not be here if this was not the Lord’s purpose for my life in this moment.
I am thankful that this season looks different than the last and I have been refilled with that same excitement and joy that was in my spirit so many months ago. The newness that comes from this is forcing me to rely on Him and it’s incredible.
My heart fell in love with Cambodia in 2010 and now it’s my home. I honestly cannot even fathom it. Week one has been good to me. I am excited for the weeks and months to come.
Lord, thank you for bringing me back.
