Saturday Home Visits
August 4th, 2018
Today was a really challenging day. Maybe one of the most challenging thus far on the world race. Today I looked material poverty in the face, and was not given the option to turn away. I held children with open sores on their hands, bumps on their skin, ring worm on their scalps, and a high chance of HIV in their little bodies. I hugged moms who were HIV positive, widowed because their husbands had died of HIV, and now are taking care of all 17 of his kids- some hers and some not hers. I was welcomed into homes that housed 20+ people, that were smaller than my parents’ living room, had dirt floors and had 1 mosquito net in a 9×9 room that more than 10 children slept under…on the dirt.
No sleeping pad,
no mattresses,
and maybe 3 small blankets to share
between all of them.
Our ministry today was going to home visits with our wonderful host, Pastor Vincent and his friend, Pastor Nelson. Both of these men founded/run an inspiring organization called Kassanda Children’s Aid (KCA) which I will elaborate on at the end of this blog.
I want to preface this by expressing that I am still figuring out what I’m supposed to do with what I saw, my shattered heart, and what God is asking me to do with all of it. By no means have I fully processed this, nor do I have a conclusion. This will probably end up being both informative, and long and messy. But I don’t apologize for that. I’ll start with a brief run down of what each visit looked like. And hopefully the pictures will load, too.
1st home:
- Mom was alive and HIV positive
- Her husband died of HIV
- When he died, all his children from his other wives came to live with her because she was the one he left with the house
- There were 16 kids living with her
- Pastor Vincent showed Jon and I where they use the bathroom and it was essentially two different holes in the ground marked by some sticks laying across them. One was out in the open with zero privacy, and the other was tucked in between some bushes and trees. Coincidently, I really had to pee at this moment, but when I asked him if that’s where I should go, he said it was too dangerous….so it was too dangerous for me, yet this family of 17 does it every day, without shoes, with often times diarrhea. I understand why he said that, but it’s so disturbing to me that this is how they are forced to live. Little kids in such risky circumstances. I thought about how he said the mom was HIV positive and how none of the kids wore shoes (because they don’t have the money to buy them), and then they get cuts on their feet then go and use the same “bathroom” that she has. Who knows what kinds of bacteria and diseases they are exposed to? And what about the young girls? How embarrassing to have to squat over the hole when they’re on their period or if they’re sick and the neighbors can just look right across the lot and see all of it. I know when I’m sick, I really appreciate that privacy.
[the bathroom for the younger children]
[the yuca and potatoes the mom was preparing for their lunch, which Pastor pointed out was not enough food for everyone]
[Amy holding two of the younger kids with ringworm on their scalps]
[the whole family and our team]
***After this visit I had to stop and ask God for help because I didn’t know how I was going to keep going to more of these today. Thankfully He did. He told me to go love like He would. So when we got to the 2nd home I went straight to Rosemary, sat down in the dirt and gave her a huge hug. She received my hug whole heartedly, embraced me right back, and I realized that hug was more than just for her, it was for me, too. God knew that.
2nd home:
- 21 kids all with their great grandmother (Rosemary) and their grandma (Ruth). The parents of the children had died so Rosemary and Ruth became the caretakers for all the kids
- Rosemary was making mats that she sells for 20,000 Ugandan shillings, equivalent to about $6 USD. I’m sure it takes over a week to make just 1 and that helps provide for their family.
- Rosemary gave our team a mat as a gift!! And you can’t say no because that would be insulting…how do you receive such a self-sacrificing gift like that? It’s anything but easy.
[Grandma Rosemary and all the children]
[the family & our team]
[Sweet Rosemary making a mat]
3rd home:
- Another widow with kids of the husband who died of HIV
- 17 kids
- Just like the mom from the first house, she was given all her husbands children to take care of when he died. The other moms don’t help support the kids in any way and they don’t visit the children.
- This is the home that had all the children cramped up in a small 9×9 room under a mosquito net at night.
- This family grew maize as their main income. Right now they only get about 200 shillings per kilogram of maize…this is practically nothing and this past season wasn’t a good harvest season. They eat porridge made from the maize for breakfast and then something they call posho for lunch, which is also made from the maize. It’s not a balanced diet by any stretch. No fruits, no meats, no veggies, no Chick-fil-A.
- Luckily, they also have a jackfruit tree and can eat the jackfruit from it. Pastor said they usually eat some of it and go to bed- meaning it’s their dinner, and then they handed us their jackfruit…the one they would had for dinner that night.
- Again, another sacrificial gift that I didn’t want to accept and was painful to receive.
[the family & our team]
[all the kids taking the kernals off of the maize]
[the eldest daughter and Kelsey with the jackfruit they gave us]
4th home:
- The mother, father, and grandmother of this family had died, so the children came to live with this lady, who had recently become a widow, also.
- 7 kids total
- There was a little bitty girl who had big crocodile tears in her eyes. Her face was dirty with snot and stained with tears that had been running down her cheeks. She had snot stuck to her chest right above where her shirt hung, and she clung to her brother while we talked to them. I sat down next to her and ended up lifting her into my lap. She didn’t know how to react, and the tears kept flowing. Her hands sat neatly in her lap and her fingers curled in as she held a lose fist. I gently put her hand in mine and flipped it to see her little palms. They were partially black from dirt and soot, and then partially blood stained from cuts and small wounds. Peeling skin draped between her fingers in the other palm. I asked Pastor Nelson why she was crying, if it was something wrong with her eyes or if she was in pain or scared. He responded that she was very sad and is crying every time they come visit. My heart broke for this little girl. She couldn’t have been more than 4 years old. I thought about what all she has probably seen, the hunger pangs she feels on a normal basis, the worry she carries that she’s probably never lived without.
- Then I thought about my little niece who is probably the same age as her. She sleeps safely in a comfortable bed in her own room or with someone who loves her tremendously whether that’s her parents, her grandparents or another relative. She doesn’t want for anything. She’s always known clean water. She’s known a larger variety of food than she can specifically recall. She has more toys than she knows what to do with. She has the privilege and freedom to dream of what she wants to do one day with her life. She has access to the best healthcare in the world.
- Why? Why was she born into all these wonderful things, but this little girl in my lap was not? I don’t know. And neither of them had a choice about where they were going to live, who was going to raise them, what they were going to eat. I don’t have the answers and I probably never will.
- Another little girl, probably about 9 years old or so, had an open sore on the temple of her head. It had been there and hadn’t healed for 2 YEARS! …But they can’t afford to go see a doctor when they can’t even afford food to eat each day.
[the family]
5th home:
- The last home we went to was one that KCA helped build for the family living there
- We met the great grandmother first, and then the cutest little grandma (Florentine).
- She invited us in and gave us a huge pot of mangoes, 2 bundles of small bananas and a bowl of roasted peanuts that she had grown and prepared for us. She was full of joy and so happy to welcome us.
- She had a cough so we prayed for her health, her home, and the family before we left
- There were 7 children who lived with her
- As we were leaving we met her son. He explained how he really struggles with alcoholism and wants to stop but every time he tries to, he ends up drinking and being drunk again. Jon prayed for him and prophesied how he would be an honorable man that people from the village would come to for wisdom. It was very powerful. I actually got to pray over him again at church the next day and the Holy Spirit had me weeping for this man. I don’t know how to explain it, but I would really like to see what happens with his life and what the Lord has for him.
[From left to right: the son who we prayed for, Grandma Florentine, great grandma, & Amy]
[the freshly roasted peanuts, mini bananas, and mangoes Florentine gave us]
After the last house visit, we went back to where we are staying and had lunch. I’ve never been more thankful for a squatty potty, bucket showers, a bed, and rice and beans. I pray I remember the things I’ve seen and time I’ve spent here in this small town in Uganda whenever I get home and even begin to complain about anything.
How I feel right now:
- I feel clouded with tons questions
- Why are some people born into this?
- Why was I given the privilege of living in America?
- Why do these kids have to think about if they’ll get fed today, before they could ever dream about what they want to do with their lives one day?
- What actions do I take from here? Now I haven’t just heard about it. I’ve seen it and cannot neglect that God cares deeply for widows and orphans. It’s in the scriptures, over and over and over again.
- Will my actions help more than hurt?
- What are long term, self-sustaining ideas that could help these families?
- If I bought them blankets, would they use it, or sell it for food because that’s more of a priority? Would it be better to just buy food?
- How do I accept what they were going to eat for dinner without insulting them?
- How can I use a real toilet and not feel guilty in the future?
- Am I supposed to feel guilty or burdened?
- What do you want me to do right now, God?
- What do you want me to do when I get home, God?
- How do I even try to explain this to people at home who I love, without getting frustrated with our American comforts?
- Should we just go build a bathroom for that family while we are here?
- Should we just take that little girl with the 2 year open wound to the doctor ourselves?
- I feel frustrated with myself for all the times I’ve ever complained. Including today.
- I feel burdened to pray for this area in Uganda and intercede for them until I hear what God desires for me to do. Will I be okay if all He wants me to do is pray?
- I feel thankful for just about anything I can think of.
- I feel angry that our human sin affects innocent children. But then I feel grace because my sin has affected other and God still offered me grace and forgiveness when I didn’t deserve it.
- I feel defeated because there’s not enough time, money or resources for me to help all these people and solve all these problems. And there are problems. It’s not just cultural differences or a different life style. People are full of sadness. Basic human needs are not being met.
- I feel a tremendous admiration for Pastor Vincent, Pastor Nelson, and Rhoda for the work they do here to try to help make a difference. They see these things day in and day out. They do what they can, yet they lack a lot of funding, also. Pastor Vincent told me that it’s hard because there are days where it just seems hopeless, but He puts His faith in Christ and sees how He continues to help, even if it’s in small ways sometimes.
- I’m reminded of how I felt after being in Kenya for the first time in 2013 and a conversation I had with my friend, Michael. We talked about our American comforts and how sometimes we get so comfortable that we think we don’t need God. We have the money to put our own food on the table, and we can even choose between option upon option of what we want that to be. Yet these people HAVE TO rely on God for their daily bread. It’s not just some words they say, but earnest prayer and total dependence on Him. I remember talking to Michael about the meaning of the word “blessed” and who Jesus says are blessed in Matthew 5 to His best friends :
“God blesses those who are poor and realize their need for Him, for the Kingdom of Heaven is theirs.
God blesses those who mourn, for they will be comforted.
God blesses those who are humble, for they will inherit the whole earth.
God blesses those who hunger and thirst for justice, for they will be satisfied.
God blesses those who are merciful, for they will be shown mercy.
God blesses those whose hearts are pure, for they will see God.
God blesses those who work for peace, for they will be called the children of God.
God blesses those who are persecuted for doing right, for the Kingdom of Heaven is theirs.”
Fun fact: The Greek word for blessed in this text is makarios (meaning “happy” or “fortunate), and often indicates someone who is favored by God.
Jesus never says that we are blessed by having fancy houses, nice cars, designer clothes, or material things. Per usual, He examines our hearts.
What really makes us blessed? Having material things and comfort, or depending solely on the Lord? Or some of both?
This blog has become quite lengthy now, and I still don’t have a conclusion, but I would like to say thank you for caring enough to read this, 10 and a half months after I’ve left. I really do appreciate your time and investment in this journey God’s taken us on. I know many of you will be compelled to give me some encouraging scripture and try to answer some of these questions I’ve word vomited into this blog, but I want to ask that you don’t. I know there is sin in this world and it’s broken, and I am not seeking answers from you, because only His words will satisfy me and He knows me better than anyone else. I also know many of you will not be compelled to respond and might have your own questions or feelings now. Neither of these responses are wrong.
My one request is that you will pray for the homes and ministry I mentioned earlier in this blog right now. Take 3 minutes instead of scrolling through social media or watching tv today and tell God whatever is on your heart. Whether that’s for the kids, the moms, our hosts, our team, your own heart, the village in general, if God’s asking you to do something with what you e read, whatever. I have no expectation on anyone and there’s absolutely no pressure. But please don’t just close this tab and go about your day like any other day. Please just pray with me. I believe in the power of prayer and praying with expectation.
As promised,
More about KCA: http://www.kassandachildrenaid.org/index.php/en/
See you in 12 days America, and see you in 14 days Dallas! While I love it here, I also am excited for some familiar hugs and time with loved ones. 🙂
