I’ve known for a long time that God has called me to missions work.
Short term, long term, I’m not sure yet.
But I know that he has called me to go, and my response has been
“Here I am. Send me.”
[Isaiah 6:8]
But I never really knew what exactly that would look like.
What kind of work should I be doing?
What am I most passionate about?
I felt like I should really like kids’ ministry.
[I am a teacher after all]
And I liked it enough.
I also like working with women enough.
And visiting prisons enough.
And building stuff enough.
And leading Bible studies enough.
They are all great ministries that make an impact.
I learn a lot through participating in each one.
I’ve felt more excited about some things.
And less excited about others.
But nothing ever screamed
“THIS. THIS is what I want you to do.”
Until we got to Zambia.
Our whole squad is together this month.
We are living at an inn and using the big kitchen to cook for ourselves.
For 37 people.
So the leaders put together a planningcookingshopping committee.
And I’m the representative for my team.
Day One, while the squad rested, the Meal Prep Kitchen Team
[hereafter referred to by our team name, the Breadwinna$]
went grocery shopping and planned what the team would eat for the next few days.
I FELT SO ALIVE.
SO PURPOSEFUL.
SO EXCITED.
I felt like God was telling me that I had found my ministry.
And it’s not cooking.
[I’m not really creative there]
He said my strength is in taking care of the people on my squad.
Making sure they feel loved and cared for as they work.
Preventing burnout through acts of service.
Keeping missionaries on the field.
It was AWESOME.
What was even awesome-er was that the rest of the Breadwinna$ felt the same.
So we came up with a plan to be the consistent kitchen team.
Cooking meals so they are hot and ready when the teams come back from the field.
Planning theme nights and festive meals to make things fun.
Setting out an afternoon snack to indulge in after a long day.
Special desserts.
Coffee all the time.
We’d even thought about including other health and wellness options and challenges.
Allowing those who want to spend all their energy
playing with kids
empowering women
building stuff
to do so without worrying about
what they would eat
or who was going to cook
or if they had enough groceries
when they got home.
We had a vision.
We had a passion.
We had a rhythm.
The Breadwinna$ were on fire and ready to make loving the squad our main ministry for the month.
And I finally had a vision for why God has called me to missions.
Then.
Our proposal was vetoed.
Can you say CRUSHED?
I felt like I had finally found what I had been looking for, had a taste of it, and lost it.
We all did.
Ouch.
Ever been told your passions and visions weren’t good enough?
Ever been told your work isn’t really that important?
Ever been told your role isn’t valued enough to keep?
It wasn’t said in so many words.
But the actions still hurt as if it was.
So I had this dilemma.
Do I fight for this ministry that I
[and 4 other people]
so clearly felt called to?
Or do I trust in the authority God has placed over me and in the purpose he is accomplishing by asking me to wait a little bit?
Jeez.
Grown up stuff is hard.
There was such a range of emotions through all of us.
I wasn’t just fighting for myself.
I wanted to make sure the rest of the Breadwinna$ felt like their role was valued too.
So here’s what I said.
We are still the representatives on our teams for all things kitchen.
We are still in communication with each other.
We are still passionate.
I think God has shown us a vision and split us up for a greater purpose.
We must bring that vision to our individual teams.
Inspire this type of care in our whole squad…not just 5 people.
Our hurt is valid.
But we still have a role and a job to do.
But it’s going to look differently than we expected.
And that’s okay.
Same ministry.
The field is just a new shape.
I am excited and grateful that God showed me a piece of his plan for me.
I am challenged by the call to perform that ministry in God’s way and not my own.
It’s like he’s asking me if I really love and would care for people, even if it doesn’t look the way I planned.
It’s hard.
I’m working on figuring out how to do it with grace and intentionality.
I’m working on having patience and endurance when we have to cook for 37 people after a day of manual labor.
I feel frustrated when I think about having to change what I thought it should look like to love people.
[stubborn much?]
But the answer to whether I’ll continue to follow this new vision is a resounding
YES.
Thank you so so so much to my support team!!!
Because of your love
[and an incredibly generous anonymous donation]
you have brought me above and beyond the $13,000 deadline for February.
I ONLY HAVE ONE DEADLINE LEFT.
Crazy what God does.
I remember looking at my fundraising bar when I had only my $150 deposit in there, thinking I’d never make it.
Now it’s almost at $14,000.
You guys are insane.
In the best way.
I have a little bit left to reach my final deadline of $16,562.
In order to finish out this year, I need to be fully funded by the end of April.
Please consider joining this adventure and bringing love to the world this year by clicking the “Support Me” button at the top.
THANK YOU!!!
