About a week ago, our squad had a gift exchange.
A spiritual gift exchange, that is.
Jenni, one of our squad leaders, taught a quick lesson on spiritual gifts.
She encouraged us each to think about our strengths.
Qualities and characteristics the Lord has given us.
The ways we are made in our Father’s image.
The ways we show people who Jesus is through our actions and behaviors.
Pray about it, and listen for what words God speaks over us.
Then she asked us to write them down on a piece of paper.
We could write one strength, or fifty.
“Be free,” they said.
Once we had written them down, we talked about discipleship.
How important it is to grow in our faith.
To not remain stagnant or complacent.
To learn from some and teach to others.
So.
We were going to exchange our papers.
Everyone stand up.
Hold up your cards with your gifts written on them.
Walk around the room.
And pick a characteristic that someone else has and you need.
Then, spend time this month learning from that person.
Asking questions.
Seeking growth.
Sounds like a great idea.
Until I had to do it.
It’s always hard to brag about yourself.
[well…for most people]
But this was something different.
For those of you who don’t believe in spiritual warfare, let me tell you something.
I’m going to sound crazy.
I know.
But it’s real.
The heaviness that fell upon the room during this activity was so dark.
Here’s what happened to me.
I know my strengths.
I’ve worked really hard this year to be reflective.
I’ve had people compliment me on things I do well.
And I usually just write those down when given an activity like this.
But I wanted this to be different.
I wanted to go to a place of vulnerability and stretch myself a bit.
So I listened for God, asking him to give me a word to write down.
A quality that he saw in me that he wanted me to take ownership in.
Something I might not have explored or heard before, but that he had gifted me with.
[again…I know I sound crazy, talking to God and all…but stay with me]
The word I heard was “Resilient.”
I ignored it.
I told God that “resilient” isn’t a gift.
No one in the room is thinking that they want to be more resilient.
They’re going to stick with gifts that are written clearly in the Bible.
Love. Peace. Patience. Joy. Faith.
I told him that he was wrong.
I told him “resilient” was a dumb word.
[oops.]
But he was persistent in speaking the word to me over and over again.
As hard as I tried to push it out of my mind, he just kept repeating it even louder.
And as time ran out, I wrote it down.
Then it was time to stand up.
Time to hold up our signs.
Our labels.
Our identities.
Baring it all for everyone to see.
And not just for them to see.
For them to choose.
“Pick the one that you want to grow in,” they said.
“Pick the one you want on your team,” I heard.
I suddenly had flashes back to choosing teams in middle school P.E.
My heart was racing.
I was embarrassed.
What if they don’t want what I have?
I’m putting it all out there…offering everything I am.
And they keep walking past me.
Cue panic attack.
I wanted to scream, but I couldn’t breathe.
I wanted to run, but I couldn’t move.
I looked for help, but I couldn’t see clearly.
I wanted to pray, but all I heard was static.
So I cried, because it was all I could do.
A friend pulled me aside, and once I calmed down, my paper was taken and the task was over.
The whole exchange didn’t even last 5 minutes.
But through all of it, I lived in pure terror.
I have worked really hard for a long time to become confident in who I am.
I love myself and the woman God has created me to be.
But it hasn’t always been that way.
I used to live my life in a lot of fear and insecurity.
Chained as a slave to what others thought of me.
After many years and a lot of work, I had broken free of that.
But Satan hadn’t forgotten about it.
[this is that spiritual warfare part I was telling you about]
He saw an opportunity for 35 of God’s children to share their gifts with each other and increase their strength as a group.
He saw the potential for a lot of power in that room.
And he was afraid.
So he ambushed us.
He took old fears, and resurrected them.
He paralyzed me in that moment by using an old insecurity I had beaten.
And I didn’t realize until later that night that
THIS ISN’T WHAT WE’RE MADE FOR!
For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.
[2 Timothy 1:7]
So, in my spirit of resilience, I have decided to overcome this.
I will walk boldly in my strengths.
I will shout them aloud, and share with whoever asks.
I will be proud of the woman God has created me to be.
It’s time to be free.
Hi Team!
We have less than $3,000 to raise before the end of April in order to meet the FINAL FINANCIAL DEADLINE!
Wooo!!
Thanks so much for your support so far.
If you haven’t already, please consider joining the support team
[or inviting your friends who love the world!]
by clicking the Support Me link at the top and donating ANY amount.
Support team members get up-to-date reports about what is happening on the field.
About all the good YOU are making possible around the world.
And surprise goodies from me!
I’d love to have you on my team!
Can’t wait to celebrate the day we’re FULLY FUNDED!
