It was our second night in Malaysia and we walked to the restaurant across the street to grab some food and meet our ministry host.
As the six of us sat at the table I saw someone watching us out of the corner of my eye. Eventually I turned and the young man apologized for staring and proceeded to ask me if we were from the USA.
I told him we were and we struck up a conversation. Turns out we were both world travelers! He left to see the world shortly out of high school and had been backpacking ever since. We talked about mutual interests, the places we’ve been and the reasons why we traveled. He wanted to see the world, to experience culture and meet people from all over. I shared with him all about the man named Jesus that I’m traveling the world for.
He seemed intrigued but before we got the chance to get into more depth my ministry host showed up and we all started chatting with her. (Quick shout out to her: I love how her first reaction was to meet the gentlemen and let him know he was more than welcome to stay while we dined.) Next thing I know my ministry host was asking me to share my testimony with her.
So there I sat.
At a table in Malaysia.
Sharing the story of my life with a random stranger.
Before the race when I would meet random people and share the gospel I would talk a lot about Jesus a little about the good parts of my story and a teeny, tiny bit about the messy parts of my life.
But that night as I shared I got out all the gory details.
He stuck around and chatted with us for a little while longer and then the night came to an end and we all went our separate ways.
Back at our place my team informed me that the entire time I was telling my testimony this gentleman was leaning over the edge of his seat (literally) and waiting to hear the next thing I had to say. I had no idea that was going down because I couldn’t see him when I was sharing my story. My team went on to say that they understood why he was so entranced, the vulnerability I showed was beautiful even for them to witness.
What my team didn’t know (because we had literally been together 2 days) is that I used to hate being vulnerable. It was (and sometimes still is) such a challenge for me to open up and let people into the mess of my life. More often than not I would stay guarded and candy coat my stories with an extra splash of encouraging scripture.
But that night I decided not to do that and the Lord blessed the life of some random gentleman because of it. No, he didn’t come to know Jesus, but he was drawn to the realness that I was choosing to display and it showed me something.
I now naturally desire to be real with people.
I don’t want to sugar coat the stuff in my life.
I used to avoid vulnerability.
I used to hide from it.
I realized that day that I had found freedom from creating a false self with other people.
In Romania the Lord restored my worth and showed me that I am only defined by His thoughts for me.
Once I realized where my worth was it didn’t matter if I was viewed as having it all together or being completely broken.
I don’t have to impress anyone.
I just got to be real.
I used to hate the phrase “I’m an open book” mainly because I more closely related to the analogy of a high castle wall that people have to be determined to conquer.
But now when I go to sit at a table, whether it’s with my best friend or a random stranger in Malaysia I am happy to share with you whatever you want to know, even the messy parts.
I’m an open book…
And it is so freeing!
