This blog is dedicated to Jenna and Jacy, my sweet sisters who will binge watch these movies with me anytime and quote the entire opening monologue alongside me. You two are a light to me in dark places when all other lights go out… I love ya both.
If you know me than you know that I love Lord of the Rings (LOTR), both the movies and the books. My team on the other hand couldn’t tell Sauron from Saruman. So these past few months as a team a few of them have slowly, but surely, watched the movies with me.
My favorite character is Gollum/Smeagol – I’ve always thought that he beautifully embodies what spiritual warfare is like. So I found it quite fitting that last month in Haiti as I was watching The Two Towers with one of my teammates one of the scenes with Gollum stuck with me, so much so that the Lord used it to teach me a valuable lesson.
In case you’re a total stranger to the LOTR world here’s a teeny-weeny bit of context to get you through: the whole story revolves around this one ring, you know the “One ring to rule them all.” It can wield the powers of this dark lord named Sauron who is trying to destroy Middle Earth. The ring has special powers including granting incredibly long life to it’s bearer, but the longer a ring bearer stays with the ring the more he/she is bound to it. Smeagol was with the ring for 500+ years, so long that it formed an alter ego in Smeagol named Gollum.
So basically: Smeagol = good/moral side, Gollum = bad/evil side. And for this blog that’s about all you need to know. If I were you, I’d take the two minutes to watch this clip, otherwise you might be totally lost for the rest of this blog.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NB2CNr692RE
Now that you’ve done that let me break down how I processed through that scene with the Lord.
The first thing you need to be aware of is that last month I was battling a lot of shame.
This is a scene where Gollum and Smeagol face off against each other and I think it depicts so well the struggle that I go through with shame. The way that the enemy whispers to me in the recesses of my mind and how sometimes I don’t let him win.
The first thing that Gollum tries to do to Smeagol is isolate him. Gollum tells him “You don’t have any friends, nobody likes you…”
When I feel shame my first instinct is to keep things in the dark, Satan knows that shame thrives in the deep, hidden places so he does his best to keep it there and many times I let him. I isolate myself from the world and convince myself that I’m alone, even when I’m not…
When Smeagol begins to resist by blocking him out Gollum feels that he is losing his grip so he brings out the thing that Smeagol is most ashamed of and he doesn’t just say what act it is.
He labels him with it.
“Murderer” Gollum says.
Smeagol cowers, lowers his voice, and cries. And the truth is sometimes I do that too. Satan knows me, he knows my greatest weaknesses, and he prowls on them. He puts his labels on me and expects me to just live with it. Sometimes those labels hurt so badly that internally I bow my head, whisper to myself, and shed a tear because shame hurts and just like Smeagol hates Gollum, I hate shame.
Next up comes attack mode. Gollum attacks Smeagol claiming that he wouldn’t be anywhere without him, he’s the reason they survived all of this. Shame does the same thing when it rears it’s ugly head in my mind – it goes on the defense – trying to make me think that I couldn’t function without the label. The label motivates me, drives me, perfects me.
It’s a lie. But it’s a good one and I fall for it too often. I wear my shame like a badge of honor thinking it keeps me humble, but it doesn’t keep me humble, just scarred.
BUT
There is hope.
Smeagol responds to Gollum, raising himself up and speaking with greater volume,
“Not Anymore”
When I tell shame “Not anymore,” it loses its power. It can’t control me if I don’t let it.
You can see the shock in Gollum’s face as he hears these words. I think the enemy probably had the same reaction the first time I stood up to him. He’s fearful because he doesn’t hold the cards anymore.
Smeagol decides to trust his master. In his trust he sees hope and he has faith for something better. In the same way I want to trust my Master, to get rid of the shame and the whispers in my mind.
Finally Smeagol tells Gollum to “Leave now, and never come back!” Each time he says it he declares it with greater authority.
And then.
Gollum is gone.
Rejoicing happens.
Truth wins.
What a beautiful picture of what spiritual warfare with shame can look like. But when I stand in authority and tell it to leave, it leaves.
Spoiler alert though: Gollum comes back. It takes him a little while, but he comes back.
Shame is the same way.
Shame can take so many forms and to be honest I don’t think it’s something we’ll ever fully defeat on this earth. In month two of my race the Lord redeemed the way I look at myself, but Satan still prowls on us. 1 Peter 5:8 tells us, “Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.”
I look at where I was ten months ago and I know that I don’t battle with shame as much as I did then. But I still battle it and I still have to fight it most days. But I find so much joy in the battle. Sounds strange, right? Finding joy in battle. But it makes me stronger and the more that I fight off the schemes of the enemy, the more I tell him to leave and never come back the closer I get to freedom. I have a choice as to where my mind goes. I can board the train of whispered shame from the enemy and let it take me away with it’s labels or I can declare authority in my Master and board a train that takes me to freedom. It’s a choice and I’m going to keep choosing freedom.
My recommendation following this blog? Walk in truth and watch Lord of the Rings because, well, why not? Who knows, you might come out of it with some deep spiritual lesson 😉
P.S. When I was a kid my Dad told me I was not allowed the watch the movies until I had read the books… I thought I was better than that so I just watched the movies anyways. There’s a reason the Bible tells you to obey your parents… I should have listened. The books are better. Read them first.
Wow, you made it to the end of this super long blog – WAY TO GO! You’re a trooper!
