Handfuls of Dirt

 

It’s all squad month which means all 45 of us are living together with our leadership team for the month. Each team is working with a different organization or church in the city, my team is partnering with a church called Flame of Worship. Flacara inchinarii.

 

We’ve been doing a lot of different things this past week to serve the church. We went on house visits, spent a day cleaning their outdoor baptism and singing worship songs at a nursing home. My favorite thing was getting to teach kindergarten at the church (in america we would consider it parents day out or pre-K) I was in a classroom full of 3 year olds and my heart was FULL.

 

There was one particular child I bonded with quite quickly, her name was Lavinia and she was precious to say the least.

 

When we went outside to play on the playground and she began to pick up handfuls of dirt and rocks and hand them to me. Of course, I was filled with absolute joy that she wanted to bring me small presents, even if they were just handfuls of dirt. As time went on she began to see that there was so much more than just dirt on the ground and she handed me handfuls of fresh green grass instead. As small as this was, it was a treasure to me.

 

The Lord is always looking for teachable moments in my life and He used this small situation with Lavinia to show me big things.

 

I realized that I often bring handfuls of dirt to the Lord – there is beautiful grass all around me but I choose the item that is the dirtiest to place in his hands. I know that He is filled with joy that I am giving him something not expecting to get it back but the truth still remains that there is fresh green grass all around me that I am keeping to myself.

 

For me, it is so easy to give God the messy parts of my life, the things I don’t have control of, but when it comes to the clean, beautiful parts I tend to hold on to them a little tighter. Sometimes I just refuse to give them up because in my ignorance I think I know better than the Lord. Ridiculous, right? The idea that I can know more and steward better the things that are already His…

 

“The earth is the Lord’s, and everything in it, the world, and all who live in it; for He founded it on the seas and established it on the waters.”

Psalms 24:1-2

 

See? It says is right there – it is all HIS.

 

When I was a child in my faith my scope was limited and He was pleased with my small tokens, they brought Him immeasurable joy. But now God expects more than just my handfuls of dirt. He knows that I have broadened my scope, seen the green grass, and simply refused to give it to Him.

 

There is beauty all around me and He wants those things too. He wants the green grass, the fresh flowers, the parts of myself that are hidden deep in the forest that I don’t want to offer up to anyone else.

 

I often approach the throne of God unaware of how to surrender things, but I have found there is beauty in simply admitting to my Father that I don’t know what I am doing; He then begins to slowly but surely guide me.

 

He is constantly showing me that I am holding on to things. My relationships, my comforts, my personal space; and I am learning what it looks like to turn things over to Him when I see myself holding on. It is a process but He is a faithful Father. He gently walks beside me in the green fields and asks me to give Him more handfuls. The further we venture the deeper the grass gets and the thicker the handfuls become. My trust in HIm grows. Sometimes it’s painful to uproot things, especially when it requires some digging, but He stands by me through all of it providing the strength I need. The more I hand things over, the more I find freedom, healing and space for the things that HE wants in my life.

 

He deserves more than my handfuls of dirt, so that is what I am choosing to give. I hope you all will join me.