I probably tried on dozens of clothing items from my closet the first night I got home. My mind was so excited by the variety of options of clothes I had. Traveling for six months, I wore the same clothes over and over again. I was excited because I finally had the opportunity to pick different clothes out to take back with me on the race again. Having new options was so thrilling but it also was very overwhelming all at the same time. I wasn’t used to having so many options of clothing to wear!
Sleeping in my bed again, watching my nephew at his baseball game, having family dinners, riding the fourwheeler with my nephews, riding in the tractor with my dad, seeing a few of my friends, playing the piano, driving my mom’s car, and cooking… These are just a few things that I am thankful I got to experience during my time at home.
Besides the quality time that I spent with my grandfather and family, my second favorite thing at home was my moms amazing cooking. Before I came home she let me pick out my favorites that I wanted her to cook (isn’t she amazing?!). Crock Pot Pizza, Spaghetti, Meatloaf, green bean casserole, broccoli salad, veggie pizza… and cookies were a few of my favorite picks. It’s hard to pick all the things you want in 4 days after not being able to have them for so long. My stomach craved ALL of my mothers cooking and the variety of food options that America offers. I also can’t forget Milkshake Monday at our home! A family tradition we’ve had the past few years.
I wouldn’t trade any of the moments and memories I had at home. I knew my time at home was short and I wanted to be intentional with my time. Most of my time was spent with the people I loved. Throughout the course of the race our time in each country is short, and we have to be ready to go at anytime. That’s how coming home felt. I knew I would have to pack my bag again, and that I would have to leave again but it was worth it because I got to see my grandpa and family. While leaving America was very bittersweet, I was very excited to go back to my team in Myanmar and start ministry.
Arriving in Myanmar I was greeted at the airport by my host Henry and my teammates Jenny and Naomi. It was very comforting seeing them again and they very quickly filled me in with the things I missed. My heart was ready to jump into ministry, but physically, emotionally, and mentally I was exhausted. I was exhausted from the long travel days, and grieving saying goodbye to my grandpa and family. It’s hard to say goodbye to the people you love. Needless to say, it hasn’t been that easy going back on mission.
I didn’t feel like I had much to give to my team. My body was worn out. I wanted to be strong but in reality I felt very weak. I wanted to help my team with their lesson plans for the bible college, prepare Sunday School lessons, and do my role as a worship leader but I didn’t feel strong enough. It was hard to be vulnerable and admit to others that I was weak but after a few breakdowns I expressed to my team how I was truly doing.
It’s hard to say hello for a few days, say goodbye, and then say hello to a new culture and new people. Not that it’s not worth it. Several times throughout the church service the last Sunday, I thought about how beautiful this place already was. We got to celebrate the churches 15th anniversary, and after the service, Henry (the pastor) shared his testimony with us (wait for another blog on Henry’s Testimony). The children we taught in Sunday School were very attentive and their warm smiles melted my soul. One little boy found so much joy tapping me in a game of duck duck goose.
It’s been a week since I’ve been back on the field. While the transition back on the field has been hard, I have been seeking God in my weakness. It’s okay to admit that I’m not okay sometimes. It’s okay to admit that I’m sad that I can’t be with my grandpa. My mind has been everywhere, I’ve been sensitive, but I’ve been reminding myself to seek God through it all.
My team has shown me so much grace and love as I’ve walked through processing my time at home, and transitioning into Myanmar and ministry. The past three days I’ve done ministry teaching English at a preschool Henry started. I must admit that my heart has found so much joy playing with the kids, and spending quality time with my teammate Jen at our hour long lunch breaks. We even get to nap when the kids nap! How wonderful is that.
Saying Hello to America was worth it because I got to see my grandpa.
Saying Goodbye to America was hard because of having to say goodbye to my grandpa and family.
Saying Hello to Myanmar was worth it because I’m saying hello to seeing God move in the places we minister to.
But…
Saying Hello, goodbye, and hello’s over and over again are extremely difficult, but most definitely worth it.
