Oh, Albania. How I miss you. Albania was like someone that had wiggled their way into my heart without me even noticing. And once gone, left an ache I didn’t realize I would feel.
The stunning mountains, the beautiful sunsets, squad time, seeing pigs jump, and so many other things will stay etched in my mind. But the thing I will remember most about Albania is what I learned about grace and attitudes. I am on a team with some of the most age-wisened (is that a word? oh, you know what I mean) ladies on the squad. There are things we’ve learned, over time, that you just don’t do or things that you do, whether you want to or not. This month it was a big struggle to have grace for others and keep a Christ-centered attitude. As jobs were divvied up, some meant a close proximity to pigs and what they produce, I began to feel a little bitter & angry about how jobs were assigned. I knew very quickly I was going to end up in pig poop.
And that’s where pride, anger, and judgement battled grace, humility, and love.
I was angry that I didn’t get a choice. I, at least, wanted acknowledgement for the great sacrifice I felt I was making (pride). And I thought poorly of others who didn’t volunteer for pig poop duty (judgement). For a good week, I wrestled with these angry, prideful, and judgmental thoughts. I was frequently angry, when I could have been joyful. I avoided certain people that I judged as selfish. I was not acting as Jesus would want me to. And then, after conversations with my team, I realized what a waste of time and energy acting like that was. I am so thankful that Jesus brought this to my attention so early in the month. Was the rest of the month a walk in the park? No. But I could tell Jesus was working in me to change my heart.
Day by day, when these thoughts came to mind, I made a conscious effort to take it to the Lord. I told him how frustrated, angry, or prideful I was feeling. Sometimes I just screamed on the inside.
And He took something- someone- broken and made something beautiful.
I could see and feel the difference in my attitude and responses. Situations that set me off before didn’t cause the same response. Am I perfect? Do I have this mastered? No, but praise the Lord, He is changing me and shaping me to be more like Him day by day. I am so thankful that I know and serve a God that loves me too much to leave me the way I am. He takes the ugliest parts of me and makes me more beautiful. So if anyone thinks anything good about me- that I’m kind or sweet or whatever- that’s not me, that’s Christ in me.
So when I remember Albania, I will remember grace. I will remember the stripping down of pride (it’s hard to be prideful when you’re completely splattered & have tasted pig poop). I will remember that even if someone isn’t able to do certain things or hasn’t learned certain lessons yet, I have even more reason to love them and show them grace. It is an opportunity to encourage others and build up the body of Christ.
Philippians 1:18 (Completely changed my life and my view of attitudes)
