I want to tell you a story. It's pretty much a love story.
So I became a Christian at a young age (I think I was 7- but those years pretty much blend together these days). I was raised going to church. I was blessed with parents who love Jesus and made it a priority for me and my brothers to hear the Truth. I love them for that.
So that's pretty much how my life went from elementary school to middle school to high school. Youth group became a big part of my life & I had absolutely amazing and loving leaders. I had wonderful friends that loved me even when I didn't know how to let them love me. I'm so thankful for those people.
Then came college. Thankfully, I got involved in Campus Crusade and met some even more amazing people. I knew where I belonged (as much as a 18-19 year old girl can :-P). I started the process of figuring out what I believed and how I wanted to live like every teen has to do.
Then I met this guy. Incredibly long story short, I began to question God's goodness. God gave me the desire for marriage and a family since as long as I can remember. I began to put this desire above trusting Him and using some common sense or wisdom. So after a lot of hurt and even more anger (and a few other situations), I turned away from God. I decided that He didn't have my best interest at heart. I decided that He was a cruel God that would dangle things that looked like good things in front of you, but wouldn't deliver. I was so angry, hurt, and bitter.
(I promise the love story & happy beginning are coming!)
So for the better part of 6 years, I stayed out of church. I refused to talk to God, and I refused to talk about God. I tried to deny His existence. After 6 years of completely avoiding God, I was tired. Tired of denying the truth, tired of missing the fellowship of other believers, and tired of missing my Daddy.
It is utterly exhausting to deny an undeniable truth.
When I finally had enough of striving, being angry and bitter, and completely missing out on the fullness of God's goodness, I came home. My amazing and loving friend had just come home & had heard about this awesome church. So we tried it. ::I was so nervous:: It'd been years since I'd willingly set foot in a church. I remember turning to my friend halfway through the service & telling her I didn't want to leave. I was home.
It's amazing how, even when we run from God and/or are angry from Him, He still loves and pursues us. Even when I wanted no part of Him, He was calling to me, missing me, longing to be close again. There's nothing more humbling than His open arms when you have done nothing to deserve them.
It absolutely breaks my heart when I think of those lost years. The years that I could have been growing closer to Him. The years that I could have been more of a blessing and an encouragement to those around me.
I can't go back and undo those years. If I could, I would. But thankfully, Jesus forgives. He wipes our sin and our faithlessness away. When we turn to Him and follow, He treats our past as if it hadn't happened. Talk about love, huh?
So now that He has my heart, I CANNOT wait to see what He does with it. I long for Him to break it over and over again, only to rebuild it stronger and more like Him.
