I carry people with me. Every moment of the day, even when I try to pretend that I’m walking solo. They are strapped to my back, tied to my heart, filling my mind as I try to go about my normal day.
The part that no one seems to understand is that the people I constantly carry with me are not always family, ones who have hurt me, old loves, lost friends.
The people I carry are people that I have never even met. But I carry them.
They are the poor, those who have grown up surrounded by chaos, victims of war, children of wrath.
I can’t let them go for a moment.
Would life be easier if I didn’t hold them close? Yes, but easier doesn’t always mean best, nor does it connotate what I was meant to do.
God placed a heart in me for them. For their pain, for their isolation, for the horrors they have experienced that have ripped them from grace. I don’t know the specific situations, I don’t know the particular names, but I know that I can’t let them go. I can’t set them down. The moment I do, the moment I am embracing a false identity for myself, because God created me to care for them at all times, to place my luxuries aside to be a comfort to them, to battle for them, not to rest until His Kingdom has invaded the imitation empire of their souls.
It has been almost two years since I was living this life.
And it’s time to go back.
Next month, on April 25th, I am embarking on a new journey, one that will cross the ocean and plant my feet back on African soil. I will enter a country that didn’t exist last time I saw Mama Africa.
I am going to South Sudan.
While my trip on April 25th is primarily to gather resources and understand the landscape better in order to implement a team long-term in the near future, I know this is the beginning of something groundbreaking in my life.
Because I plan to be on that long-term team.
There is pain and suffering in Sudan. There is a desperate need for recovery, for restoartion, for justice. There is a need for orphaned children to be held tightly and rocked to sleep, to exerience a love that will crash into their need and satisfy every twinge of hunger.
There is a need for women who have experienced horrible things at the hands of violence to have an ear to listen, loving hands to soothe, and belief to empower them to rise above the horrendous circumstances they have encoutntered.
There is an aching emptiness in the men to know that there is more to life than decades of loss and war and oppression.
The answer to the national issues and the personal problems of every single person is a person:
Jesus.
He is the answer to the people of South Sudan.
In small, subtle ways, He’s been preparing me for this journey with every journey I’ve ever taken. He’s not only led me through Africa, He’s led me through the canyons of myself, the deep, deep trenches where my most crippling experiences and fears lay dormant. He walked with me while the monsters I was afraid of stirred, and He disabled every attack against me by His love.
Oh, such love.
Love that is freeing, that breaks chains and curses, that screams dancing for the lame, symphonies for the deaf, kaleidescopes for the blind, and abundant life for the dead.
There’s a Kingdom that defies war, that banishes poverty, that outlaws disease, that restricts oppression and prohibits injustice. This Kingdom is freely given, freely received, but will cost everything we have.
What will it cost me?
Oh, believe me, there’s an extensive list…
But what will I receive?
Being present for tears of surrender, signals that internal wars are passing away and victory has come.
Bear hugs from fatherless, motherless children who now understand they have never been orphaned.
Dancing with those once immobilized by fear, emptiness, and hopelessness.
The flinging of prison doors and setting free of captives imprisoned by a hatred they couldn’t let go…
Until now.
I may be preparing for a life among discomfort, or malaria, or instability, the threat of unfamilar disease or famine or war. It doesn’t matter if it comes or if it misses me by a mile. Even if my next step is into a harder place than I’ve ever been, there are beautiful, beautiful people that God loves more than anything, people who are ready to receive, people who are agonizing for one drop of the Kingdom of God to invade their country and transform their lives.
I am one person, but I know that the God who created the intricacy of the jungles and savannahs and plains, the God who hand-crafted every single grain of African red dirt is sending me.
I’ve carried them in Spirit. Now, I’m ready to lay that burden down and let God carry me.
All the way to South Sudan.
***
Thank you for your support and prayers. In order to be able to leave on time, I still need $442 to purchase my plane ticket. On top of this, I will also need $900 dollars for field expenses for the month that I will be on the field in South Sudan. If you would like to make a deeply appreciated contribution, you may do so buy clicking on the “Support Me!” link at the top left of this blog (when it brings up the support page, you will need to use the pull-down menu to choose “Staff Support”).
If you would like to get in touch with me or subscribe to my newsletter, please email me at
[email protected].
Thank you, thank you. For giving, for reading, for praying. God is bringing His Kingdom through you.
