It is a couple weeks into month one and I am already finding myself having moments where I think "wait, why am I here again?", "why did I willingly sign up for this?", "why on earth didn't anyone stop me!?" These thoughts might give you a bit of an idea of how difficult these last few weeks have been.
There are a few reasons why it has taken me so long to write a blog. One of those reasons is that my computer broke. Yep, a few days ago my computer just decided to stop working. Before I left for the race I got a brand new internal hard drive and a brand new battery for my macbook, yet still, my computer decided to die. When I get the opportunity I will take my computer to the mac store in the mall here in Manila and pray that they can breathe life into my computer, and if they can't then I will be mailing my computer home. Since it is strict World Race policy that we cannot receive any mail while on the World Race, mailing my computer home would mean that I will be computerless for the remainder of my trip. That is very sad and inconvenient, and I'm sure all you friends and family (particularly you, fiance) are not very thrilled to know this. But I have also lost my camera about a week ago and I am finding freedom in being very limited in my technology, despite the inconvenience. The only major disappointment is that I have put money into my computer and the camera was quite new and I bought it myself, so it is sad to see those dollar bills go. The other reason it has taken me so long to write a blog is because I had one all typed up the night before my computer died, and then in one click of a button, the whole blog was erased. Very unfortunate.
Anyway, now that you all know why I have been MIA in the blog world for so long, let me go back to telling you about my life. Life is hard here. For numerous reasons my team and I are facing many challenges this month. Our ministry is very challenging. We spend most of our time split up between a garbage dump that thousands of people live in and a cemetery where thousands of people live on and amongst the tombs. We are an all girl team, alone in downtown Manila, living in a hostel located in the red light distric and working in a dump and a cemetery. The church that we work in at the dump floods every time it rains. We have to wear rainboots to protect us from the "sludge" of toxic waste that comes up above our ankles. The smell is something you never get used to. Most of the people there are very sick. When we do feedings there and have to hold the children back because there isn't enough room for them to all sit down and eat at once it makes you literally feel sick to your stomach. Holding a crowd of starving children back from getting food, it honestly felt like we were in a concentration camp. But still, my experiences at the dump in Tondo are not as dark as how it feels to be in the cemetery in Navotas. Words honestly cannot explain what it feels like to walk in between tombs stacked on top of eachother as tall as 2 or 3 stories high going as far as the eye can see. We are surrounded by spiritual darkenss. Basically, go read Ezekiel 37 and you will have an idea of where I am… but also of the hope that we have for this place!
Every day when we get picked up by a man named Fernando who speaks no english my team and I have to make the decision to choose joy. Our entire drive to ministry is spent singing songs of praise and worship and praying that God would continue to allow our team name, "Ladies of Light," to be prophetic. That we may bring light and laughter into these dark places. It is hard to not get discouraged, to not feel kind of lost and helpless. So, this is why it is easy to start thinking to yourself "why am I even here?" To ask God "what purpose am I even serving, what good am I even doing?"
But then I am reminded, I am not here to save the world. I am not here to find a solution to all of these problems. I am here simply because God told me to go here. I am here strictly out of obedience to the word that God gave me. As long as I stay willing, as long as I stay obedient, He will do the rest. My team is here because God chose us. He created us, He knows us, and He planned this for us from the beginning, knowing that we are strong and courageous women who, through Him, are MORE than capable of handling this ministry. We are honored by this challenge and we are committed to being good stewards of this opportunity. We are seizing every moment to press into what the Holy Spirit has for us and we are bringing love, light, laughter, healing, and the Word of God everywhere that we go. It is absolutely amazing seeing how much my team has grown spiritually over the last couple weeks. All I can say is we are here because it is exactly where we are supposed to be. Look out world!
