I sit here in the second week of our last month on the Race, and while I am overwhelmed with numerous emotions, I came to the humbling realization this week that I have begun to distance myself and harden my heart against feeling anything. I’m not sure why. Perhaps it is because I know 60 meaningful “goodbyes” await me in just two weeks. Or perhaps it’s the realization that this year I have been challenged beyond my imagination and I just want to rest. OR, maybe it is because the enemy realizes what a powerful tool I will be when I return home and so he is going to distract me any way possible. No matter the reason, I realize that I am called to eleven months of the Race and not a day short of eleven months. I am ecstatic to be in India, to share this time with four amazing teams, and be a part of the work God is doing here, but there is also an excitement for “what is to come” that wars with my longing to be present-minded each day. The cry of my heart is to finish strong, and I recognize that it is not my own strength, but the Lord’s, that will allow me to give these last weeks my all.
It has always been easy for me to share stories and write about experiences, but blogging about how I feel and what is on my heart at a particular time requires vulnerability, and well…that’s not always something I am willing to offer. I express how I am feeling now, because I recognize the power of joining together in prayer, and I am asking for you to join me and my squad in prayer that we will be able to finish our time together in India strong.
There is a song by Misty Edwards that I’ve been singing all day and I think it accurately describes the state of my heart at this present time.
What Only You Can Do
by Misty Edwards
I’ll take my cold, cold heart
I’ll take my unrenowned mind
I’ll take Your Word in my hand
And I’ll give You time, to come and melt…me
I can’t even love You unless You call my name
I can’t even worship unless You anoint my heart, God
I can’t even want You unless You want me first
Come fan the flame, oh oh come fan the flame yeah
Do what only You can do – Come fan the flame
Do what only You can do – Come fan the flame
Do what only You can do – Come fan the flame
Do what only You can do
Just let my heart be alive
Let me be living deep, deep on the inside
Come fan the flame hey, hey yeah
Do what only You can do – Come fan the flame
