It really stinks being sick on The World Race.
-Instead of a comfy bed to snuggle in, I have a 30 degree sleeping bag.
– Instead of air conditioning maintaining a nice 68 degrees, I have a fan that moves the 90 degree air around the room.
– Instead of a soothing bowl of chicken noodle soup, I have a mountain of plain ol’ white rice.
-Instead of my mama who knows exactly how to comfort me, I have a team of 5 other girls that try their best, but y’all know nobody can replace your mama.
Ok, I’ll stop my complaining there and, instead, share with y’all what God has taught me during this past month of being sick.
First of all, don’t worry about me…I don’t have a rare foreign disease and I’m not bed-ridden. I just have a really bad sinus infection that has stopped up my inner ears. It’s mostly just frustrating because I can’t hear very well…as if I have invisible ear plugs in. For the past month it has been extremely difficult to hold conversations with my teammates and especially with the soft-spoken locals of Thailand and Cambodia.
One particular day, I decided to stay back from ministry and rest for the afternoon. I was feeling really sad and frustrated that my sickness was keeping me from engaging with the team and the ministry. I started dwelling on thoughts of feeling useless and I found myself wishing someone would just tell me that I’m useful and valued. So, like any good missionary, I opened my Bible and read a few passages from Psalms and Matthew. Nothing really captured my heart, so I whipped out my laptop in hopes that someone, anyone, sent me an e-mail or a Facebook message. I was searching so desperately for some encouragement, and when I received a friend’s little message via Skype, I was overjoyed.
Yes! Someone values me and cares about me!
Their few words completely turned my day around and put me in a happy mood.
However, later that night, I started thinking about how that Skype message changed my day around.
What if they hadn’t sent me a message? What if nobody had? Would I still be sad? Would I still be searching for someone to tell me I’m valuable?
It was then I could hear the voice of God saying, Shanna, are my Words not enough for you? Why won’t you allow my words of love penetrate your heart? They are powerful, but only if you see and receive their power.
Whoa! Talk about a revelation! Up until that moment, I just assumed the Bible’s words would automatically wash over me and comfort me, whether I believed in them that moment or not. This thought really hit me, and made me reevaluate the power I give to the words of others and not to God.
Maybe that’s why I’m sick….to quiet the voices of others in my life so that God’s voice could be amplified.
